29 Years and 4 Kids Later
Background
My name is Froman42 and I am a 43 year old father of 4 girls who has been dancing with the devil for 29 years. I don’t smoke pot, do drugs, or drink all that much. However, what I did do was consume as much dip as I could for 29 years. My one can a day habit turned into two cans a day. My two cans a day habit started to roll over into a third can.
I have been thinking about quitting for the past 16 years. I have promised my wife that I would quit when we got married that same 16 years ago. Then I promised to quit when we started having kids (10 years ago). I would tell myself that I was going to quit every morning when I woke up but I threw in a dip 10 minutes later before getting into the shower. By the time I got to work I was already two dips down and looking for more to start my day.
Have we established that I had a MAJOR problem? My intention of describing the above frequency isn’t to earn street credit as a big time addict rather it is to point out what a degenerate I had become. The story had already been written (Sean Marsee RIP my brother) and I knew how it was going to end if I kept doing what I was doing but I just couldn’t stop!!!!
29 year addict’s State of the Union on day 100
– I will use a Pulp Fiction Quote to sum up my thoughts, “let’s not start sucking each other’s dicks quite yet gentlemen!” Nothing is over for me. This is just the start of a very long journey.
– I am proud of myself for the small victory and accomplishment that I have achieved but the war is not over by any stretch of the imagination.
– I still want a dip every single day. The worst is in the morning and at night and after meals and while driving and while surfing the net and while on the can
– I am still struggling but my struggle is easier on day 100 than it was on day 80, which was easier than day 70, 60, etc. Hopefully one day the demon will release me from her grip but that day is not today.
– Perhaps the thoughts and some craves may NEVER go completely away? Perhaps, I was so addicted that I need 200 days to achieve the same nirvana that others achieve at day 100?
I was born in the fall of my 43rd year
Just like John Denver was born again when he first visited the Rocky Mountains, I too was born again when I decided to quit dip. I want to quickly share the contents of two emails that I sent fellow KTC members during my quit:
– The haunting may never go away but I am ok with that. Last night two of my daughters snuggled up to me on the couch to watch tv. I didn’t have to push them away to protect a spitter – how good is that?
– I also put on a good freak show with the wife this morning and didn’t ruin the after party by immediately throwing in a lunker – this too is good.
– I no longer have a guilty feeling about what I am doing to myself and how much I am spending at the expense of my family. It is time to grow up and be a man!!
I am no longer consumed with the thoughts of where will I get my next tin? Do I have enough rolls for my trip? Will these sores on my tongue and lines in my gums ever go away? Do I have cancer already?
Every third or fourth day I feel an immense sense of calm and tranquility that I have never felt. It doesn’t last forever but it occurs frequently. It feels especially good when I look down at the little smiling faces of my daughters knowing that I am no longer robbing them of time with their father.
I am not perfect now – in fact I am far from it. What I am now though is a man. Gone is the little boy who has rationalized an addiction for 29 years. Just like our budget deficit and impending federal debt disaster is “just math” putting a cancer causing vehicle in your mouth day after day after day is just science. If we use nicotine over and over we will die sooner rather than later – it’s a fact!
From this day forward I am choosing my life over the pleasures of nicotine. I am choosing to walk my four daughters down the aisle over nicotine. I would still choose nicotine over my wife but that’s not important right now. Of course I was just kidding about the last line.
My apologies for yarning on but a long addiction warrants a long goodbye letter. I have to wrap this up as I am going to spend time with my family today and I won’t be rushing things along so I can be alone in the car with a dip. I am going to spend quality time with them and enjoy the moment for as long as possible.
We are only dancing on this earth for a short while so let’s not shorten it or waste it on a $6.00 can of death!!! Froman42 is tired of being scared of his addiction all of the time so I am going to get busy living. 29 years and 4 kids later I have taken control of my life again.
The march for 200 begins today. Stay well my brothers and always remember to Live Free or Die!
Froman42 – Day 100
Thank You KTC
Since I am posting a HOF speech I have abstained from any nicotine for 100 days and anyone that knows me knows that is a true miracle!!!!!
The power of the accountability, camaraderie, and the daily routine of this website may have truly saved my life. I don’t post that much other than supporting some people that have reached out to me but this simple website deserves the thanks of everyone who logs in each and every day.
I would like mention a few people who are in my mind each and every day that I struggle with the demon.
GoldenDomer – I call him the godfather of my quit. Thank you for introducing me to this website. Without hesitation I can honestly say that without your efforts I would not be 1 day clean let alone 100 days clean. From the bottom of my heart thank you for changing the course of my life. You have been my friend for close to 16 years now. I truly cherish your friendship and respect all of your quits!!!
30 Year Addict – You probably don’t even remember the correspondence but your simple (probably auto reply) email to me on day one or two gave me chills. I had very little hope for success but your story inspired me. Just knowing there were other long term addicts who were successful motivated me. Thank you.
AGLawyer – It truly amazes me that a total stranger can have such a large impact on someone’s life.
I was alone in a hotel room around day 7-10 of my quit. I was having an enormous craving for chew and I had just rationalized a cave for myself. Before leaving for the liquor store I went to turn off my computer and as I was closing down the KTC site I noticed that I had an email from some guy named AG. His email and continuing correspondence deterred me from my cave until the craving subsided.
Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to check in on me AG – your simple emails and support helped me more than you know. I have never met you or spoken to you but you were a major influence on my life during this transition and I am eternally grateful.
My Wife – I know that you are ignoring the progress that I am making and can only assume that you are too shell shocked from the disappointment of past quit attempts. However, I am hoping that after years of fighting, dirty looks, negative comments, etc. that I have finally rid our family of chew. You don’t believe that it is real but I feel differently. Perhaps you were counting on the life insurance money coming in early and you are disappointed? In any event, I am doing this largely for me but deep down I am also doing this for you so you may once again be proud of me. I love you.
Stunt32 – Is this really happening? I have dipped with you my entire life and now both of us are on a path to true freedom? Thank you for being my Doc Holiday not only during this process but also during my life. We are not related but you are my real brother amigo. Thanks for always being there. Now go take care of your 4 boys and keep them as far away from my 4 girls as possible.
Stitch22 – I introduced you to this site but helping you has provided me with so much more. You have strengthened my quit and inspired me with the struggles that you have chosen to take on. Thank you for getting our group together and for keeping our quit at the forefront of our thoughts. You are wiiiiinnnniiiinnnnnngggggg!!!!!!!!!!!
Gonzo and MThomas – I am not lumping you two together as a sign of disrespect rather I am acknowledging and confirming your love for each other. Who knew that two KTC member could grow so close during a quit. Your Brokeback love affair has inspired me.
Thank you two for being part of my quit. Your efforts and energy have really helped carry me through this battle. I look forward to getting to know you better.
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Froman42
