Quitting. Never Thought It Could Happen
I know I am a little late with this. Well I dont know where to start…but here it goes.
My introduction to nicotine began when I was 4 years old as my father gave me a sample of beech nut chewing tobacco. The addiction really did not begin then….or did it? Anyway needless to say I did not become a habitual chewer then. Although growing up I did have chews here and there. Few and far between…I almost thought it was a treat to get a chew. Back then it was mostly loose leaf. This pretty much led to my pre teen years where I was introduced to Skoal Wintergreen OFC. My uncle chewed it and would leave cans laying around…lucky for me! Again I did not chew all the time but I did when I could my hands on it.
In high school my buddies and I tried about any tobacco product. Cigars, cigarettes, pipes, loose leaf tobacco, and snuff. In high school it was cool to do this when you were out with your friends. Plus the high from the nicotine was a plus. A funny story happened to my friend who also chewed Skoal. One time his father was looking for something in his room and was going through his computer cabinet and accidently knocked over a mug full of chew spit on to his hand. Man was he mad!! My buddy got an ass beating over that. Any ways the nicotine continued into college of course. I actually quit chewing in college and smoked exclusively for a year or two. But soon gave that up and went back to Skoal.
I chewed Skoal and Red Seal (cheaper) up until I was about 30. I then went to Skoal Mint or Wintergreen Pouches because they were not as rough on my mouth and maybe they would eventually help me quit. What a fucking dumbass I was! The pouches are just as addicting! Rationalization is a powerful thing. In December 2009 I was having trouble with a crown on my tooth. It kept falling out because of my grinding of my teeth. Well my dentist adjusted it and put it back in and I started having some tooth ache. I was still chewing but it was not as enjoyable with the tooth ache and all. About a week later I thought to myself, if there was a really good time to try to quit, now would be good. So I dove into the quit. This is the first time I actually gave it some serious effort. I have tried to quit like everyone else, but those only lasted for several days.
So began the quit!! And cold turkey at that!! I had no FUCKING idea what was to come. As many of you know. The worst of my quit began around the 7th or 10th day. I had anxiety like a motherfucker!! I had never experienced anxiety like this before. This shit was bringing me down to my knees and bringing me to tears which was totally out of my control. That is so fucking scary!! I have heard that nicotine being compared to heroine as being just as addictive. At this point I believed every fucking word of it. My anxiety would just make me worry about my health all the time. I was always checking my mouth all the time. I have been to the fucking doctor more in the last 4 months than I care to remember. I did take prescrip. drugs to try to help me with my anxiety. I tried chantrix (this shit I think made things worse). I then got on Lexapro and lorazepam or atavan. Lorazepam was for instant help when I felt anxiety coming on strong. Lexapro is for more long term. Any way the anxiety lasted for about 3 months. But as time went on the anxiety got weaker and weaker. I really did not have bad cravings because I think the anxiety overruled that. Today I do have some physical cravings and I am using Smokey Mountain to help with that.
On the 7th day of my quit, I was like a lot of you quitters. I was on the internet looking up anything on chewing tobacco and how to make the quit easier and the effects and withdrawals of quitting tobacco and nicotine. Low and behold I found KTC.org. I could not believe the information and interaction on this site. Exactly what I was looking for! It was amazing how much I had in common with other people on this site especially with the quit. Posting roll every day and reading and chatting was a little like therapy for me. I was also fortunate that I had a good friend of mine that quit chewing about a year and a half ago. He was supportive when I needed it. Well this has been my experience. I know I did not give my number out to everyone nor did I ask for a lot of others. But the main message here is I am quit with you guys and proud of that!
Sorry if rambled, but everybody has a story. Before I end this babbling I would like to thank some people that helped me through some tough times.
- My wife. She was aware of my quit from the beginning. She is a nurse in the ICU and has stories that would make all of you cringe. ORAL CANCER STORIES.
- MikeA….This guy probably more than anyone knew what I was going through. He helpled keep me from fading away to a cave. The Admin on this site should hire this guy. He was like mother hen for the April group.
- Pista…the first person I talked to on chat. Helped me sign up for chat and KTC. Some how I did not know they were separate. I was so fucked up at that point. Thanks alot!
- Dipnchew24747, FordnTexas333, ghays3 and Pinelander for posting roll before me so I could remember what day I was on.
- Steelers yes we can get along.
- Franpro, Colton, Greg5280, and everyone that I talked to in chat. I know I left some names off here. You know who you are. My memory has sucked the last four months.
- Finally the people who keep the KTC site going.
Lastly I just want to say to people in the beginning of their quits (shit I still am) you can quit and IT DOES GET BETTER. How do I know. I am living fucking proof!
Later. Cowboys75
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member cowboys75
