Goodbye Ball and Chain
Why do I want to quit? There are several reasons. But if I had to pick just one it’s because of the hourly withdrawal that I went through every day if I didn’t feed the beast. A lot of times it wasn’t possible or convenient to stop what I was doing to get my fix, so a lot of times during the day I was miserable due to the withdrawal I was going through. There were times I’d have friend s and family visiting, and a couple of hours into their visit I would become impatient for them to leave so I could get rid of the withdrawal, meetings at work that would last for hours which meant I had to suffer through the withdrawal. It seemed that this habit/addiction became something I did solely to escape the adverse effect of not doing it. After having some success at stopping in the past I’ve realized how good it feels to be free from being chained to that little can and the daily withdrawal it brings.
I’ve been dipping for 36 years, since I was 14. It’s seems like the last 30 years I’ve been constantly trying to quit. 100s of times not making it more than 2 weeks. 9 or 10 times making it 6 to 9 months only to fall back into it again. Years ago I began asking myself, “What are you going to do different Mike when you hit that 6 to 9 month craving?” I thought well I’ll try this_____ or I’ll tell myself this_____ when I get to 9 months down the road and strong craving hits.” I knew I had to come up with a new strategy because the previous ones hadn’t worked. After a while I came to the conclusion, I’ve tried everything I know, I’ve got nothing new to throw at this.
A few years ago after a failed quit attempt that lasted several months. I decided “To hell with it, obviously I can’t do this. I’m just making myself and everyone around me miserable when I go through withdrawal. I’ll try to control it. Dip on my terms just once a day.” That also, made me and everyone around me miserable and not long afterwards 1 dip a day became one can a day again and I gave up.
Early in 2015 one of my wife’s coworkers lost a family relative to oral cancer from dipping. I decided to try again and failed again after 5 months.
This year I quit again 4/18/16 I was nearly a month into my quit and I was searching the web trying to answer question, “what am I going to do different this time.” I started reading stuff on the KTC and after a while joined.
Since being here and reading several Intros etc. I’ve decided THIS site may be the answer to the question, “what are you going to do different this time?”
Do I know for certain that KTC will work for me? No. I’ve failed so many times that I’m full of self-doubt over my ability to quit and stay quit. To put it in KTC lingo “I’ve shat all over myself so many times I’m having trouble regaining my trust in myself.”
BUT, I see others here with similar stories as mine, who have had success here. So I decided to embrace this site 110% and take by blind faith that it works. To post my promise 1st thing in the morning and to try to become part of the fabric of this site by encouraging newcomers and by getting to know people here. So if you see me posting like a mad man . . .it’s not because I’ve got it all figured out. I’m trying to embrace the ideal as put forward by one member, to become ENGAGED in this site – because “No engagement = no brotherhood. No brotherhood = no accountability. No brotherhood, no accountability = failure”.
I will say one thing, since joining KTC; I have more optimism that this quit is going to be the last quit than I’ve had in decades.
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Mike1966
