Addict – I Hate Nicotine

I hate nicotine. It is expensive, it is controlling, it is altering, nicotine destroys your quality of life and the longevity of your life. Why would I ever pay for, and willingly use something that is so awful? Because I’m an addict.

I’ve heard people scoff at the notion of considering yourself an addict when it comes to nicotine. It seems no problem to admit being addicted to nicotine, but it is another leap all together to admit that you’re an addict. Well I’m here to tell you that I’m an addict, and acknowledging that has made me a stronger, nicotine free person.

I have been using tobacco in some form for around 15 years. In that time I have stopped several times, once even for three years. But, without the right tools and education I never was really quit. Somewhere around a decade ago I even started an account at KTC, but never did anything with it.

In December of 2018 I decided I was done. I was done having bad breath, done watching my gums recede, done finding excuses to drive to town so I could by a can, done sneaking a can into Disney Land, done top lipping it, done wondering which bump was going to be cancer. Do you get it? I was done. Done being ashamed at the lengths I’d go to for a disgusting addiction.

I re connected with KTC and signed up. I joined the April Quit group, then spent a lot of time reading around KTC. I had a lot of requests to share digits, and I was like WTF……no…and I kept reading around the site.

I learned something very valuable in all of that reading. I had to burn the boats to make my quit stick, and I had to make a web of accountability( had to get/give digits).

I had to come clean with a wife that had no idea I chewed as much as I did. Honestly, I was convinced she didn’t know I’d started up again, but she knew.

That night I burned all the boats, I told her all my nasty chewing  secrets. Then I told her what I was up to on KTC. I told her I was all in and I was going to start exchanging numbers with random dudes on the internet to help keep me accountable. It was scary as heck, but it meant no going back. I was vested 100%.

Right away I had dialogue with a couple of Vet quitters (SkolViking & Chris2Alaska)and one guy in my group (Mayfly). I was still tentative, and told all three that I wasn’t super comfortable with sharing numbers…..that’s kind of a joke now because not only did I dive head first into the support network, but now I have over 50 numbers for other quitters and they have mine. I am proud to give out my number now, I want to have that accountability and be able to reciprocate it.

The first few weeks are kind of a blur. It sucked, I was foggy, but I stayed engaged. I updated the SSOA, I read more, I shared, I laughed at Chris’ daily texts, and my mornings weren’t complete without hearing from Crokenhagen. Most importantly I woke up every morning, and before anything else, I posted my daily promise.

This has evolved from a simple promise each morning, to now I have made so many friends, and I interact on so many levels with KTC and my fellow quitters. The brotherhood is amazing and the mentorship from veteran quitters is humbling.

My quit is built on a simple, but strong foundation; Accountability, boat burning, and post my promise everyday before anything else. With those things in place I have been able to enjoy all of the other parts of my quit, but as long as I have just those three things in place, my addict brain can quit each day.

So many people have helped me along to reach this milestone, and I know they’ll continue to be there for me. I try and repay that debt by helping others, and making positive impacts in other people’s quits.

BMFers of Quit, you guys are a cornerstone of my quit. MoM, you guys let me come in and ramble in your group and for that and the friendships I made thank you. Skol, Crok and Chris, I’ve got a lot of vet supporters, but you guys have been above and beyond supportive of me, thank you!

I am so happy to be free from nicotine today. Thank you all for having me, and I hope you’re cool with me hanging out for a bit…..this is the first milestone of many for me. Going to grab each one a day at a time.

-Hilltop

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Hilltop