I Didn’t Know

(rkymtnman @ Nov 7, 2009, 7:16 am)
FUCK I hate being an addict.  Why did I fucking do this to myself?  I am such a dumb ass for ever starting this shit in the first place it is incredible.

Response from mule

Not that i totally disagree with the doomass part….and at the risk of transference cuz ultimately the person in all our mirrors made the first “choice”…..

truth is….we didn’t friggin know…..

i didn’t know i would get hooked
i didn’t know i would get that “jonesin” feeling that made me feel like a coiled spring when i went too long between dips.
i didn’t know i would spit on the carpet in places of business and rub it in with my foot.
i didn’t know how bad or gross the process of this habit is….from packing, to having it your teeth, to spitting, to the dragon breath from hell….
i didn’t know i would become an addict where this little can would literally rule my life….my schedule….my activities….
I didn’t truly know…..(technically believe) that, yeah, some folks get cancer and at the minimum have surgery and at the worst….friggin die.

I…..didn’t……know…. and neither did you.

UST knew….and both DEVELOPED and INTENTIONALLY markets a product that guarantees them life long customers….unless you do what you are doing now…..QUIT….

Some other things i didn’t know….before i quit…..

I didn’t know i could start my day successfully without dip…even if it meant packing a dip immediately after brushing my teeth….i used to hate to do that cuz the mintiness from the toothpaste messed up the taste of my cope.
I didn’t know i could make a decision about anything w/o dip.
I didn’t know i could do all sorts of things….i.e. hunt, fish, yardwork, scratch my ass…..w/o dip.
I didn’t know i could go to my son’s basketball/baseball/football games and not carry a spitter….in the stands AND on the court, if i happened to be coaching.
I didn’t give a thot as to the negative influence i might be exhibiting to those kids….and may the good lord have mercy on a parent if they had dared to say anything……
I didn’t know my wife would kiss me more w/o dip
I didn’t know the admiration my boys would give me as they have witnessed first hand the battle of addiction….supported me and vowed to never put themselves in a position to have to battle this particular demon.
I didn’t know by trusting strangers to hold me accountable would work in helping quit.
I didn’t know i would make some of the best friends i’ve never met on a dam computer website….

I didn’t know I could quit…..and gain control over my addiction…..for today….

I DO know this…and you have my word as i have already signed roll this morning….as the first thing i do and the start of my day.

I will not under any circumstance have any nicotine…….today.

THAT….I know as a fact.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan community member mule