If You Wanted Easy You Wouldn’t Be Here

Keno, you were a little quick to past day 1 again. Immediately after your crying cave story. I am all about second chances however roll call is not something I to take lightly. you signed roll and caved on the same day thus eliminating the commitment and the validity of the roll call.

I am no saint myself . . . I went to 5 separate gas stations last night looking for hooch or smc. I was jonesing real bad. I ended up with a tin a jerky chew and holy shit was it awful. I was in the car and almost home when I opened the tin and threw a “beef lipper” in. It was fucking awful. In my 11 days of roll call to that point I don’t think I had craving any greater than when the awful jerky hit he inside of my lip. I wanted a dip. i needed a dip. I needed to get the shit flavored jerky out of my mouth.

Now i had a huge decision to make. Unlike you I had not yet posted roll. I knew that turning around to get a tin and throw a fatty in would have been the easier choice. The empty feeling (at the back of my throught, top of my lungs sorta not really sure how to describe it) inside would have vanished as my mouth started to water and the nicotine rushed to my brain.

The burning in my throat that lasted from 10P – 1A and kept me awake would have disappeared. This same burning that returned @3:00AM and kept me awake for another 3 hours would not have occurred. And the headache and tired feeling that I currently have would be fixed with my morning dip.

For my instant sanity and based on the last 12 days of hell that I have experienced,(Insomnia, Nausea, Constipation, Irritability, Fog, Cravings, Muscle Cramps, and overall feeling of worthlessness) I keep asking myself why the fuck am I doing this. This is real fucking hard. Going out and getting the great 2 for 1 Skoal special and never returning to this website would be easy. Stopping my quit would be easy. Caving is easy. Killing myself one dip at a time is easy. Quitting is hard work and requires constant dedication and a lifelong commitment.

If you wanted easy you wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t have gone through the original hell. You wouldn’t have posted roll and followed through for 5 days. And If you wanted easy there is no fucking way that you would have returned here the morning after your cave to post day 1 again and be placed under the relentless scrutiny off all the assholes(meant as a compliment guys) on this site.

You screwed up. You wasted the last week of your life going through this hell. You made the easy choice and as such you need to face the consequences. You did however return and post immediately which is better that I think I could do. Keep posting and I will be here to support you.

Please post providing insight on the hell that is round two so that all can know what it feels like. I for one have no intentions of ever visiting that hell myself.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member kevinsravens