Dichotomy of the Quit

During my lurking hiatus over the weekend I wrote this… maybe smokey is right I need to find my voice… my quit is solid right now and i am getting into the rhythm again… the hubbub of the HOF has faded and I now feel re-energized… enjoy

Dichotomy of the Quit

I hate quitting.  I hate that I have to constantly keep my guard up. I hate that friends offer me the one thing I cannot have.  I hate seeing new quitters come in here with the same arrogant and cocky ideas about much tougher they are than this addiction only to cave in a week.  I hate that so many people have to be here.  I hate that I ever put that crap in my mouth. I hate the fact that my own son wrote his D.A.R.E. essay about my addiction 3 years ago and my youngest son is working on his D.A.R.E. essay about my addiction.  I hate wanting. I hate craves. I hate being nearly 41 and throwing this kind of tantrum.

I love being quit. I love staring down threats to my quit. I love telling my friends, no thanks when they offer me a dip. I love seeing new quitters that have their shit together, ask for help, and have fun and realize that this is serious shit, a matter of life and death. I love that so many of us give freely of ourselves to work our quits and help others work their quits. I love that I don’t need that crap in my mouth to feel normal. I love that my son is writing his D.A.R.E. essay on how proud he is that his dad quit. I love that only wanting is there, not the need. I love craves because they show that I am in recovery. I love being nearly 41 and not hiding these kinds of thoughts anymore.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member cdforecheck