HOF Post at 104 Days – Freedom is Attainable

100 day HOF post. What makes 100 so special? Nothing really other that it is the first number with three digits. My day 100 was no different than my day 99 and day 101 was no different than day 100. I contemplated whether to even do a 100 day HOF post, what decided it was this past episode of Elementary. Sherlock was balking at getting his one year pin, his sponsor said the pin was not for him but for the other people, to give new substance/drug abuse quitters encouragement that one year free is attainable, that they can do it just like Sherlock has.

So, without further ado, today is 104 days since I quit my Skoal habit of 38 years. Overall my quit in its entirety has not been that hard. It has not been a piece of cake or a walk in the park but just not that hard as I thought it would be, which leads me to my biggest regret, not quitting sooner. But it is what it is and the important thing is I did quit.

When I started my quit and I was on day 5 I could not even imagine day 10. And when I was on day 10 I could not even imagine day 20. And when I hit day 21 (three weeks) I was thinking holy shit, I have to do double what I just did to hit 42 days (six weeks) and I will not even be half way to 100, hence the one day at a time philosophy. A new quitter cannot fathom being quit what to him is so far in the future but a new quitter can quit one day at a time, which will become one week, which will become one month, which will become one year, which will become multiyear, all one day at a time. I quit dipping the same way I dipped all those 38 years, one day at a time. When I (and probably you) was dipping I/we did not say to ourselves I wonder what it will be like dipping next year, we just dipped one day at a time and the next year came. That is how we quit, we don’t wonder what it will be like not dipping next year, we just don’t dip one day at a time and the next year will be come.

Now, for my personal hurdles, just about the time I quit dipping my growing prostate must have hit a threshold and I have been living with the classical symptoms of an enlarged prostate, the worse being the numerous trips to the bathroom to take a leak, especially at night which really takes a toll on your sleep. In the beginning we were worried that it may have been prostate cancer and all I could think of was the irony, quit dipping after 38 yrs to hopefully live longer and healthier to then be diagnosed with prostate cancer, or any cancer for that matter, talk about the very definition of irony… but no cancer, my PSA in 2002 was 0.8 and in 2013 it is only 1.1. I am on meds for the enlarged prostate which has an odd side effect, I have had tests, which were painful and humiliating, I got an infection from said test with a 102 temp, which laid me up for a week. I have another humiliating procedure this Thursday, and then in the near future I will have an operation called a TURP using a procedure known as button vaporization, which may have that same odd side effect the rest of my life. My boss has made a comment to myself and my wife that he was surprised that I did not start dipping again, he figured most people would and said that he is impressed with my resolve. Why? Dipping Skoal will not do anything for my prostate nor will it help me in any way nor make me better in any way.

Which brings me to is there anything I actually “miss” about dipping Skoal. YES. I miss being in control of my bowel movements. I ate, I dipped, I shit for the most part. Now I eat and I may or may not shit or I do not eat and I may or may not shit or I shit and soon thereafter I have to shit again. My bowel movements are all over the place. Of course that is no reason to start dipping again but it does get downright ridiculous sometimes. So, I try to find humor in it. Imagine how that would sound, why did you start dipping again? So I could shit at my leisure… when I want to.  Hahahaha. Yeah, dumb…

Back to serious. Though everyone’s quit will have commonalities and have similarities, everyone’s quit will still be unique to that individual. Some individuals may be hit harder by certain things and some individuals may fly past certain things. Either way if I and the numerous people before me can do 100 days and beyond then you too can do it. We are not supermen, at least I am not, I am just a guy who dipped Skoal for 38 yrs and decided to quit, and realize that this is truly a matter of life and death. And I choose life. And when I die I will die free.

I want to thank Wt57 for PM’ing me when I first joined and reaching out, my invitation still stands, if you make it down my way let me know.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Jim1234