A New Prison

100 days. Man did it fly by. Ups and downs and side to sides. If you don’t mind, and I promise I will try to be brief, I want to tell you a bit about myself first, kind of lay it all on the line, and then I will get back to my HOF speech and the title of it.

My name is John. I was born in Dallas Texas to a 19-year-old drug / alcohol / Nicotine addict mother who already had two kids.  I was given up and handed over to the state. Months later, I was adopted into a great home with non-addict parents. I had a great childhood. Never went lacking on anything I needed. The problem was my birthmother had left me a gift. The gift of being addicted to anything I touched.

I will never forget my very first dip. I was 15, riding with my buddy out to his house. He put in a dip and threw me the can. Copenhagen fine cut. Told me to take a pinch and tell him if I need to throw up so he could pull over. I opened the can and put in a dip. The almost immediate wave of the what I can only describe as euphoria of that first buzz was the exact moment I fell in love with dipping. I never got sick. I continued to put that poison in my mouth for 20 years every damn day after that. I want you to hear what I say next. I was nicotine’s bitch. We all have been. We call it the Nic Bitch, but we are really the ones who have been bitches to it.

After that, my addict side came out in full force. Alcohol started playing a major role in my young life. Pot was next. Next up was sex and porn. I thought I was good. Thought I could manage those. But then I moved out on my own. That’s when I was introduced to heavier drugs. Prescription drugs, Ecstasy, Speed, Coke, Crack and finally Meth. I’ll always remember the weeklong binge of everything listed above and then some. Worst time in my life. I am positive that God saved me. I did more drugs that week then any human should have been able to handle. Probably in a lifetime.

After waking up two days later, I knew I had to stop. That day I went out and got a tattoo of that date on my arm. I then spent the next three days wrapped around my toilet getting every drug out of my system. That was 5,360 days ago. I never looked back. I could quit hard drugs that long ago, but for some reason, it took me 5,260 more days to realize had to quit nicotine as well.

This is where I get back to my HOF speech and my title, A New Prison. The majority of my life, I have been in a prison. The prison of addiction. If not locked up by dip or cigarettes, then alcohol or drugs. I have been helpless to them. Locked up in stocks without a key in sight.  I have somehow escaped a few of these prisons. But now that I have joined KTC, I have a new problem.

The nicotine prison I was in was, at the most, a minimum-security prison. I had so much freedom. I could dip. I could be happy. I could see my family and be a great father and husband. There was only one problem. I was on death row. I didn’t know when it would happen, but it would. When I quit, I was put into solitary confinement. Since day 1 on KTC, I have been notching my number in the prison walls. Day one. Day 25. Day 70. Day 99. I knew something great would happen on day 100. I would be set free. I could start living my life again outside of these walls. Today, I put another notch in the wall in my cell.

Here is what I have realized today. The cell door I am in now has ALWAYS been open. I am free to leave anytime I want. The problem is that door leads back to the Nic Bitch prison. I will still be locked up. At least here, I get time with my family, time to heal, time to get better. As more time goes by, I will have to spend less and less time in my cell. I will get to really be free as much as I can. Let me just say to anyone reading this, you will never be free of your cell. WE ARE ADDICTS!!! We are who we are. But things can get better!!!

To anyone thinking about quitting, don’t put it off another day. Throw the can you are on out and any other that are stashed away. Throw out your stash of spitters, empty water bottles, sonic cups, etc. Admit you have a problem, that you are an addict and THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! KTC is full of guys and gals just like you. They will help you, guide you and when needed, give you a swift kick in the ass.

I would also like to thank some people who have really helped me through my quit so far:

• Redwood – My lifelong friend. I knew nothing about this site and hadn’t even considered quitting until you talked to me about it. You are why I am quit today.
• Keith0617 – You called me about 10 times on my first day until I answered. I am a huge introvert and was going to ignore your call but you never gave up. So glad I finally answered.
• SixString – What can I say about Six that EVERYONE doesn’t already know. This dude is a heavy quitter and I wouldn’t be where I am now without him.
• Hunter4life TheUndertaker JsJohnson – You my boys Blue. Thank you guys for stepping up and helping with the group, the SSOA and just down right turning into friends. This group would be a lot more boring without you guys.
• Those who send me their daily promise (in no particular order): Bug Guy, Broccollisaurus, jsjohnson, BrianG, Campbellmi13, Keith0617, Oldschool, SixString, Hunter4Life, TheUndertaker, Redwood, INKcogKNEEdough, Finoc1984, Athan, Chris2Alaska, Johnnybub, Timmymcollins.
• Others who I would like to thank as well in no particular order as well: Brettlees, Candoit, Zeus, Tonifer, DaveinMT, TwinCitiesMN, Mourningwood, JBash, Nodnarb, Ankape, my Jan. 2020 group, and our badass conductors, RottenTeeth and buttons7866.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member JJG009