A Young Turkey – The First Ten Days Quitting Dip

Day 4

Who am I? I woke up on day 4 of my quit and for the first time felt like a piece of me has left. Day 4 is a strange day, I haven’t been able to put it into words yet. Day 1, I was all excited to quit, pumped you could say, nothing would stand in my way that day. Day 2, in the fog, felt like I had a mean hangover, that night I woke up with my first crave, I struggled that night. Day 3, proud that I fought the crave and won, depressed, I missed my friend, fought little craves, irritable, not quite sure what to do with myself. My brain was firing a thousand questions, do I stand? Should I sit? Should I walk? Will it help to chew gum? Should I beat my head against the wall, kick myself in the nuts? I almost did all those things.

Day 4, I looked in the mirror and said “Who am I”? I couldn’t answer that question. The person I have known my whole life seemed to have disappeared. I am at a loss, I have no definition anymore. I am missing my dead friend that I put to rest on March 2. His ghost haunts me today.

I thought about a conversation I had with my best buddy last night. He too is quitting with me. We started the habit together and we decided to end it together. I called him to see how he was feeling. He said “you know I found a tin in my desk drawer and stood there for 5 mins. fighting with myself to put it in or throw it away”. He threw the sum bitch away, I was proud of him. I asked him what made him decide. This is what he said, “I survived boot camp, I survived the 10 years of shit the Marine Corp put me through, I survived being shot at in Afghanistan, I should have enough balls to survive now”. “As bad as it sucks, I’ll get through it”.

I realized then about what I was feeling, depressed, lonely, sad, etc. and realized I was being a pussy. I found myself today I was being a pussy. There are thousands of people out there struggling, fighting, not just me. War, hunger, cancer, AIDS, smoking, meth, cocaine, alcohol, you name it. So yeah! thats me today the pussy who just found his motivation for today to stay quit. I join everyone that is struggling today to beat an addiction. I am not alone, your not alone. I will stand strong and be dip free today. Turkey, day 4 down, and a lifetime to go

Day 9

Day 9 sucks hard, why? That voice in my head won’t leave me the fuck alone. Keeps saying day 9 buddy way to go, see you can quit. So how about one last one for good ol’ times. Your stressed, your raging more now week 2 than you did last week. Just one make you feel all warm and cozy, you can throw the rest of it away just get as much in your lip as possible. Nag, nag, nag. I tell it to fuck off go away, just won’t let go. You even made a whole weekend without me, just one this week, tonight after work you’ll feel so much better, whats wrong are you scared. Scared your wife will find out, scared that loot will kick your ass. Scared that you’ll let bman down, scared that QuittenTime, JPine, Chewie, FranProm, Mule and the rest of QSX will think your the biggest pussy because you caved to me. I say “Yes you motherfucker, I don’t need you, you will not win this time, I am stronger and I have friends that will help me kick your ass”. Day 9 sucks, I will not have “one” I will have none.

Day 10
I am doing awesome today, how could I not? Double digits bitches! I am over yesterday, came out a winner. I think about how I would feel if I did have just one, and this is definitely better. For you new guys just starting out, post, post, post, can’t say it enough. It works, even though you’ll look back and say I sound retarded (have you seen my baseball?) doesn’t matter. I posted my frustration yesterday and my personnel battle and it helped me succeed. For you older folks, keep me strong and remember “I will not have one, I will have none” It helps and I’ll use that my next crave.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Turkey