Beckty85’s HOF – Fifteen When I Took My First Dip

I was fifteen when I took my first dip. An older friend was home on a break from college and asked if I wanted to try some Skoal Mint. I still remember how bad it made me feel. I ended up having to just lay down on the floor like I was too drunk and wait for it to fade away. Over the years I’ve looked back on that night full of regret that I couldn’t have just said no thanks.

I soon switched to wintergreen and developed maybe a can or two a week habit. By the time I was 16 my dad found my can, Neither of my parents used nicotine. They both freaked out but took a different approach that I also wish would have been different. They thought if they pushed too hard I would rebel even harder so they banned dip from the house and gave me too much freedom and I took it.

By my senior year of high school I had found my temptress Copenhagen Black, that sweet bourbon flavored mid cut had me wrapped around her finger. I was up to maybe a can every 2 days at this point. I would ninja dip all day at school.

Of course, I wasn’t addicted. I could quit whenever I wanted I would tell myself or anyone that was asking. I just did it cause I liked it, and I did. I enjoyed dipping. I enjoyed the taste of my poison. I even went as far to say if they ever quit making cope black I would quit that day. Guess what… they quit making it…Years and years ago. I just switched right over to cope long cut like nothing ever happened.

In 2005 I was hired on at the place I still work to this day, I was a 1-2 can a day dipper. The picture on my work id shows a giant bulge in my lower lip from the dip I had placed in 5 minutes before they called me in for my picture. I wasn’t about to waste a dip.

Over the years I have had many failed attempts. Never being able to go more that a few days without it.
When I found out my wife was pregnant with our first child, my daughter I made the decision that it was time. I found KTC, I may have made an account. That was back in 2013. I never followed through. I knew what I needed to do, all the tools were laid out in front of me and I just looked the other way. I laid in the hospital with my brand new daughter with a dip in.

I hadn’t hid my habit since class in high school. It wasn’t something I was ashamed up. I dipped everywhere, all the time.

As soon as I got in my car for my morning commute.
Get to work and eat, then dip.
Take morning break then dip.
Take lunch Break..dip.
Afternoon break, dip
Right before getting off work..fresh dip for the ride home.
Dinner, dip and maybe another before bed.

It was my carpool, my dessert, my working around the house partner. I still reach for a can that’s not there. When I hop in my car to come home from work. When I head out to my shop to do some work. It’s going to take years for me to eliminate that part of the habit. I still crave too a lot, everyday even, its nice sometimes on my days off I can get through a big part of the day without it ever crossing my mind, but at some point it does, every day. I post my roll before I leave my house everyday because that means I’m not going to pull into that gas station and get a can and its that simple

In January of 16′ my son was born. I was still dipping a lot. As he begin to crawl around and walk he was obsessed with getting a hold of my can, which led me to reading all about nicotine poisoning and freaking out about him getting it. Did I quit.? Nope just put my can somewhere else.

I still don’t really know why I quit when I quit. I was on the first trip my wife and I had taken without our kids, Celebrating our anniversary. We may have celebrated a little to much as I definitely had a hang over the next day, which did lead me to not want to take a dip, but for some reason decided that I was going to take it further. I signed up on the site, read and read and read. Fumbled through posting roll.

That afternoon standing in the parking lot of our hotel with my wife I dumped my can and watched the wind scatter it around. Early on in my quit the chat on this site was a savior and I would spend hours on end in there. In the first month I was convinced I had throat cancer and was loosing my mind, vets on here helped to ease my fears. Still I went to my Dr, My dentist, and a ENT specialist all in the first month.

The mouth pain I have dealt with during my quit was worse then anything I had dealt with in my 17 years of dipping but its worth it, There were days my wife thought had my went back to dipping because the way I talked was like my mouth was packed full and I needed to spit. It would literally hurt to talk. For the most part those problems are gone and I have had my dentist fix multiple problems with my teeth in the past 100 days that were more then likely dip related.

Where I work at least a 3rd of the people use nicotine. In the past week my boss has tried to offer me up some from his can twice and the second time I almost dumped it on the floor for him and will if he continues to be a dick. In going to be around it constantly in the trade I’m in, so ill post roll EDD. Because roll is sacred and if my name is on it I will not dip.

I didn’t think I would write a HOF speech. I’m no writer or speaker in any way, I’m just a blue collar guy. But for the past week on my hour commute I have been writing in my mind I guess. I probably have rambled on too long also, but maybe something in here can help someone. I am extremely happy to be quit today and could not have done it or continue to do it without this site and the people on it.

I need to say a special thank you to my “sponsor” as my wife and some friends call him.
Broccoli-Saurus reached out to me early on with digits and the promise of a daily text and hasn’t disappointed. He just so happens to live a few time zones ahead of me, so I normally wake up to his text which in turn triggers me to post roll and text back. I also look at my morning text to him as being just as sacred as posting roll to me. Those are both promises I will not break.

It is the eve of my HOF as I am typing this. I woke up at 5 am on my day off and decided to start typing and have put way more down than I expected. I’ve typed the last page with my almost 2 year old son on my lap trying to type with me. It is true that your quit needs to be about and for you, But today and everyday, I also quit for him, and for my daughter, and my wife.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Beckty85