Brandgris’s HOF Speech

Hey Brandon: Thank you for writing your HOF speech. Fitting, because I chew and love baseball. In any case, I’m on day three of my third legitimate attempt to quit. My quit attempts have come in about two to three year intervals. We probably all know the drill…desire to quit, get our head ready, set a date, quit, white knuckle it for a few days/weeks/even months, break down, stop at 7-Eleven for “just one,” nurse it for a week, maybe even hold out after the can is gone, but then we fall back into the pattern…or maybe some new pattern with a little twist from the old pattern. At least that’s been my story. Had my first chew during summer baseball in 1986 or so (I’m 47 today). It was cool to dip Red Man back then while playing baseball. After all, we were just following suit to what our baseball idols were doing. Anyway, easy enough to put it down back then…may have been a female involved. Didn’t think about chewing at all for about 15 years (not even on my radar). Then, a buddy offered me a dip at a golf tournament (Copenhagen snuff). We just called it “silver top,” “Cope,” or “Scooby Snack.” That was about 17 years ago. I went at it pretty cautious at first. No need to tell my spouse as I wasn’t a chewer, I just occasionally chewed. Right or wrong, I made the distinction in my mind. As life progressed so did my stress level and the amount I was chewing. Based on what I’ve been reading, some dudes (and women) chewed waaaaay more than me. Maybe that comment was just checking that box in my head that says, “well, at least I’m not as bad as that guy.” Anyway, I would buy a can about every 4 or 5 days. In the later years it was Copenhagen Long Cut (not as messy…ha). I got to where it was in my mouth about 12 hours/day and I didn’t spit. I would also sometimes hold the same dip for 90 minutes or even two hours. Basically, it was always there and it was my warm coat when it was cold outside. I’ve described it as so many things…warm coat, friend, or a meal when you are starving. I’m sure we all have our little names for it. Anyway, it became “my thing.” Not hurting anyone, not smoking them out of the room, not falling over wasted, not dying from an overdose, not going to prison, not losing my assets, etc. I had lots of reasons why I could have “this one little thing” just for me. In the end, I know I can’t. So, this Fall (2018) I decided to quit. I spent three months setting my mind (I could write a book on setting my mind), preparing, counting down, steadying my resolve, etc. Basically, going through my own process and not caring if it’s the “right way” or the clinically researched way. For me, it was my own process. With tongue firmly in cheek, I picked January 1, 2019 as my quit date. Partly because I hate resolutions and think they are largely BS and wishful thinking. Anyway, that was part of my thinking and the irony of picking January 1. The lead up to January 1 was hysterical, even to me. I was chewing harder, more, replacing more frequently, etc. After all, this is my swan song with chew, so let’s live it up. I could chew more if I tried during December, 2018. I likened it to one more trip down the candy aisle before a diet begins. I understand this is not the recommended way of doing things. It was certainly my way though.

I’m on day three. We are really early in the game. Day one sucked ass and day two was worse. Day three has been a touch better, but not much. Quitting sucks, but the alternative is worse and my resolve is strong. My failed attempts in the past are helping me now as I know what I’m in for and what to expect. I also know how shitty it feels to try to quit and fail. These are all tools in my tool belt now. Decided to spend an hour on this page as part of my process. I’m glad I did and I’m glad I got to read your HOF story. Thank you for sharing it. It encouraged me on day three, so you can take that with you wherever you go if it helps. Most of us humans love knowing that we’ve helped another. You helped me today, so thank you. I am fully confident in my ability to quit. There is more knowledge on board, a more realistic perspective, an understanding that addiction is not about will power, an understanding that one is not weak if they fail or strong if they succeed. For me, it’s my own process and it’s cool if it’s different than yours or anyone else’s. How it is for me is vastly different than how it is for someone else or you. The common ground is the desire to quit, the triggers, the urge to pull in to the store, the urge not to pull in to the store, the mind games, the distractions, etc. We all go through it and do it differently and I think that is a good thing. Each of us has to go through it in our own way so that is true and real for us. I tend to think we all understand things in our own way and through our own experiences. So, here’s to all us quitters. I have quit chew for a host of reasons, the biggest reason is for myself. That is why I am confident, but certainly not arrogant or doing this with any sort of cockiness. For me, it’s just time. I don’t want to take the risk anymore. I don’t want to depend on a chemical anymore. I don’t want to scare my family anymore. I don’t want to feel like a piece of shit every time I break down and buy a can…or happily buy a can, but still feel like shit because I chew for 12 hours a day when I know better. That warm blanket, that friend, that thing that has owned me for all those years. Starting three days ago, I took ownership of my life back. I chose to remove the harmful thing in my life. I am craving badly, but writing here instead of stopping at the convenience store. I am firming my mind with each day, even though I’d love a Scooby snack right now. My reasons and my self resolve are much stronger than my cravings. Sleep has been spotty the last couple of nights, but last night was better than the first. Chew is very prominent in my rear view mirror, but it will get smaller and smaller with each passing day. If this note encouraged one person today, it was worth the twenty minutes it took to write it. One of the people it helped today was me. Thank you to all the quitters. You encourage and inspire those around you. My thought after day one on this page is “take what you can use and leave the rest.” Pointless to argue with those that are here doubting the science, dentists, and docs. I suppose if it came down to “who has your ear” or “who do you trust,” put me on the team with the docs, dentists, cancer researchers, university studies, etc. The discouragers on this site might look in the mirror at their fat lip and ask, “why would I ever go on a web page and try to discourage or argue with others trying to quit chewing?” That may require a little human compassion, self-reflection, and responsibility. You know, big kid stuff. The message I want to leave you with is simply, thank you. Thank you for your courage to quit and your courage to share your story here. This is my first time on this page and your story is one of the reasons I’ll come back. I’d also like to thank another Hall of Famer, the late great, Tony Gwynn, aka Mr. Padre. He was one of my favorite ball players of all time and he died from cancer caused by chewing tobacco. So, for me, I just want to encourage everyone that is thinking of quitting chew to do so. If nobody minds, I’ll hang with the docs, dentists, scientists, researchers, and fellow quitters over the discouragers. Stay strong friends. Your mind and desire to quit are a million times stronger than your fleeting cravings…even if it doesn’t feel that way. I’m in the middle of the worst part and these are my thoughts. Bet it gets a lot better on all fronts from here.