Came This Far… I’ll Keep Going – HOF Speechifying

Well one hundred days ago, on the morning of Halloween, i had a near empty can of skoal mint. I had logged onto the site a day or 2 earlier based on a recommendation from a friend who was touting he had quit last summer on kill the can. Bumped around, read some stuff. Knew I needed to quit but was scared to… Scared to admit i was an addict, scared to know what the withdrawals would be, scared of how much gum or seeds i would use, scared id cave… Scared i wouldn’t be able to quit, scared id have to tell my wife how much i chewed, scared… Just fuckin scared. I had the last dip if skoal mint on my way to work, chucked it in the parking lot after i pulled up logged in and posted roll.

I quit for me, my health, my life, my sanity but it turns out so much more has been achieved since i quit. My relationship with my wife is better… Shes been supportive and when i finally told her after a really bad explosion a couple weeks in… She said she wished she had known earlier. I wished i wast such a dick!

I am an internalist. There is nothing i cant handle, no amount of stress too much, no amount of work or hours that scare me off, but i don’t ever vent the steam… I internalize it and it fuels me. Same with the dip i was consuming. I didn’t spit, probs why i chewed the minty shit, i didn’t ever show i was dipping. I, like jbulder and one someones introduction i read before my quit, was a ninja dipper. I started stealing packs of smokes from a soccer coach in 7th grade, had give us a ride home after practice and he was a HEAVY smoker… I still remember the dunhill cartons in the back of his jeep and wed throw a pack or 2 in our bags. Gucci cigarettes. Like food, i thought i was enjoying the finer things in life. Smoked through highschool and into college then dated a gal who said i couldnt smoke anymore… No problem, i chewed…. And hid it from everyone. Not that long ago, id be able to get a pack of camel lights and a can of skoal mint and get change from a 5. Now they are both more than 5 bucks each im sure.

This addiction if far more severe than anyone would tell you… The government tries to discourage it but the fuckin lobby system weighs too heavily. Big swinging dicks that push tons of money into a broken system.

This has been pretty rambling but i would seriously like to thank wade, bruce and scott for their support. I reached out a couple times early and had some serious cravings and they were there. This couldnt have been done without that life line. Congrats feb HOFers and the soon to reach. Fight hard and well see you the next 100 days… And beyond. Thanks KTC for saving my life.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Downs1000@gmail.com