Cramming For a Test

Early in my quit triggers came out of nowhere to bring me to my knees.  With the help of the brotherhood on this site and on the forums I was able to power through and put together a good solid quit.  At this stage of my quit (1,061 days today) the concept of a “crave” is something that I haven’t dealt with in quite a long time now.

As I come up on three years quit (July 24th) I have faced and pushed back seasonal triggers (mowing the grass, raking the leaves, shoveling snow, etc.) multiple times.  I can now go into a gas station or a convenience store and I don’t even look at the chew rack.  I can be in the presence of dippers and not flinch in the face of my demons.  All of that being said, I’m still an addict.  I’m still not out of the woods.  And I’m about to be tested.

My brother is getting married in July and he’s asked me to be his best man.  As one of my duties I’m helping to plan his bachelor party which will include a weekend of camping, canoeing and drinking.  Many of the guys that are going on this trip are smokers and dippers.  A few years ago, this “guys” weekend would have been a perfect opportunity for me to grab a roll of Kodiak and power through the entire thing.  I’ve already found myself having those crazy thoughts of “I can have just one” or “I’ll just dip this weekend” like I’d done so many times in the past.  This time will be different.

I will not dip.  Period.  It’s that simple.

I won’t have a dip.  I won’t have a cigar.  I won’t take a puff.  I won’t, I won’t, I won’t.

I’ve put too much time, effort, blood, sweat and tears into this quit.  I owe too much to my quit group.  I’m putting this out here early so as to take away some of the Nic Bitch’s power.  She loves to lay in the weeds and pounce on you when you least expect it.

Not me bitch.

I’m ready for you.

Come and get me.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan community member Chewie