Day 364… Another Battle Won

I have to get this written down. I have not really posted much in here lately about my quit since I have been cruising along nicely. If I said dipping never crossed my mind I would be lying; but it has very infrequent and has been more of a passing thought than any of the craves or thoughts I had early on. Last night was kinda odd and a good example of the bitch trying to sneak her way back in. Here goes:

Last night I was out running around with my daughter. We go into the grocery store to do a bit of shopping. It was around 7:30 PM so not a ton of people at the store. As we are walking out the smell of a cigar hit me. I looked around and did not see anyone ? Hmm, that’s odd I thought and it did not bother me just struck me as strange. I was never a smoker, always hated the smell.

Well we go to another store and shopped a bit more, as we were standing in line I am staring at the dip behind the counter, not really craving just looking more than I had in recent memory. My daughter even asked what I was staring at so hard. Not much I said, paid for our stuff and off we go again. As we walked out BAM the smell of a cigar again, I am looking around like WTF ?? This time my mouth started watering , my jaws hurt a bit, and my tongue started tingling. Wow….. a full on crave this late in the game ? The little voice in my head started talking, “hey go get one of those cans you have been looking at.” “One won’t hurt.” “It’s been almost a year you deserve one.”

I am standing by my truck just shaking my head and chuckling a bit. My daughter asks what’s up. I told her I was craving like a big dog and started laughing. She wanted to know what I was going to do. I told her I was going home and getting on the site, I had posted my promise and there was no way I was dipping today. So we head home and I do some posting, and a bit of reading. Told my wife what had happened when she got home and how odd that was. Two times I smelled a cigar and not a fucking soul anywhere around and then a full on crave.

Anyway off to bed I go. Never was really all that concerned about caving, was not even close to that but it was a full fledge crave for sure. Well guess what happens while I am sleeping ?? You got it a dip/smoking dream. Well this was unlike the other dip/smoke dreams I have had because in this one every other person in the dream was dipping and smoking and I was not. Everyone offering me dips, smokes and I just kept saying no. I was actually handing out KTC business cards to all the NIC fiends trying to get them to join the site?!?! Crazy ass dream, but kinda cool too ! Only one in the dream that was quit !!

Not sure what all that means but I wanted to write it down since it had been awhile since I craved really. It was subtle at first but then I guess when that did not work the bitch tried to go full out on me. Guess it still is going to come from time to time. Well I slapped her ass back to where she belonged, kept on quitting ( Even in my dream ) and will hit my year tomorrow.

My promise in the morning keeps me quit; Yesterday, today, tomorrow. See you at roll call in the morning.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan community member Greg5280