Dip Dream in 5K
Dip dreams. They’re something that affect many (a majority?) quitters. I’ve had a few of them over the years but I can honestly tell you that I didn’t really have them all that bad… until last night.
As of today I’ve been quit 5,189 days. I can’t tell you the last time I had a sincere thought about smokeless tobacco. I can’t tell you the last time I had a dip dream. But I had one last night. And it was vivid as anything.
Now… the good news is, even in my dream, I didn’t dip. But I considered it. And that fact alone really pisses me off. I won’t bore you with all of the details (which I remembered PERFECTLY when I woke up) but I was going back into my high school swimming locker room. I was going through and cleaning out my locker and ran across three unopened cans of Grizzly (this is sort of weird cause I was a Kodiak and Skoal guy… but whatever).
In my dream I considered for a nano second popping a can and saying fuck it. I didn’t, but when I woke this morning I was pissed. Pissed that my subconscious would betray me like that.
- Am I in danger of caving? Absolutely not.
- Is this some sort of cry for help? No.
- Am I looking for sympathy? Not by a long shot.
What this was for me was a reminder. The Nic Bitch STILL lurks, after all of these years. I’m still just $5 and a bad decision from my addiction. I’m not putting this out there today to be a downer, but as a caution. We have to be vigilant every single day. This is why I stick around and continue to post roll.
I can’t tell you how many time over the years I’ve seen people stop posting and then come back after they’ve thrown away a long term quit. I’ve seen people throw away YEARS of quit over a stupid decision. I’m telling you… don’t be that person.
The fall is upon us and so are seasonal triggers. You’ll be doing things that you may have never done as a quitter. Your brain is going to try and trick you. Make sure you have a plan in place for when you get confronted with a crave.
Thanks for listening to me babble… proud to be quit with you all today.
Chewie
Thanks for the excellent write-up, Chewie. It’s been 5 months for me, and I’ve been strong even when feeling weak. I was mostly a closet dipper since I had certain reasons for that (wife against it, bad role model for kids, very healthy lifestyle overall, and several cancer battles in my family). I miss it but when I read a solid story like yours – from a guy named Chewie – I laugh and carry on with the torch. Nic bitch got me laughing too!
Thanks Ben – honored to be quit with you today. Congrats on 5 months of freedom – that’s HUGE!!!