Embrace Your Crave and Crush It

I sit here at day 102 and have a lot to reflect back on. I’m going to do my best to convey my journey and I hope these words help somebody going thru the suck. The thoughts of quitting started for me about a month before I actually made the decision that I was done. I travel at times for work to attend training in the Chicagoland area. Unlike others here I was not a closet dipper, I would throw a lip turd in anywhere at anytime and in front of anyone. I was at the hotel restaurant/lounge enjoying the manager’s reception with a coworker when a conversation started with the bartender. The bartender has become a fishing buddy over the years because we always stay at the same hotel, and we are normally there for two weeks at a time. I throw in a lip turd and he says, “You’re still chewing? I’ve been quit for about a year now; you have to try this stuff called Hooch.” That was the first time that the thought of quitting crossed my mind. Fast forward two weeks when I arrived home. When I walked in the front door the first thing my son did was walk to me and hand me an empty can of Husky that he had found while I was gone. I’ve said this before in my introduction, but the most important thing to my little boy was making sure Daddy had his can. That was the second time that I had thoughts of quitting. Ten minutes later I was ordering 24 cans of Hooch and I set a date. Super Bowl Sunday was the first day of the rest of my life.

I found this site after I had already started my quit. I created an account and posted day 4 on February 9. Almost as soon as I created my account I received an inbox from Hootie welcoming me into the May group. Within another hour I received an inbox from bigbamadan. Those two guys to this day can’t understand what that did for me. I had read the site rules and started looking around other parts of the site, but when two guys that have no clue who I am took a few minutes to say welcome and I’m here for you; well I was instantly hooked.

For about the first two weeks I had the night sweats and was just a total asshole to be around. The suck had its grip on me until around day 20. Then I got into a grove and things were going great. I had a battle with the returning fog around day 50 thru the mid 70s. I have always been a competitive person; so I made my quit into a game. Me vs The Nic Bitch. I’d keep score on a little note pad at work and everything. I’d time my craves to see how long I could go before using the fake. I’d keep track of how many craves I had a day. I forced myself into every situation that in the past was a huge trigger for me. When I’d start to feel weak I’d say, “you posted this morning. What would all of the guys say.” When the crave passed I’d cross it off of my mental list.

I still never leave the house without a can of Hooch, and. I have dip dreams occasionally to this day and I get cravings as well. I know that those will never leave for good, but I know that when they come they will pass.

For those newbs reading this for inspiration I have two things for you. First off, post role everyday and stick to your word. Don’t be “that guy”. Every group has a caver. Your word is your reputation; don’t be “that guy”. Secondly, when the suck comes, and believe me it will come, grit your teeth and give the nic bitch the fiery middle finger.

Now onto the thank yous.

Bigbamadan and Hootie – You reached out to me on my first day as a member of this site. That small token changed my life.

Nomosko – it was an honor having you as my quit twin. I too looked for you each and every day to make sure you posted.

Larry Drummer – you helped me thru some tough times and I thank you man.

J2B – Dude you are an all-star. You were the captain of our group. But most importantly you were there for me when I needed somebody the most. You and I have had many conversations over texts and I look forward to sitting down for a cold one face to face sometime soon. Our stories are similar as are our hobbies, and I really feel like I made a life long friend. Until that day I’ll see you on role in the morning….

Razz

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member razz