Endgame Reversal – Warning Explicit Language
By the time I was a Freshman in high school, (ill be 47 this year) chew owned my ass. Dipping very quickly became a love hate relationship. Everyone reading this can relate to the phenomenon of chew being your buddy. It made me feel special, country, tough, and of course satiated. Problem with all that was the nagging pesky old Truth. Deep down I knew I was just the sucker, weak and needy, for something that was killing me, and giving me the breath to prove it. YO FUCK THAT!
Thru the years I stopped for 6 weeks many times, up to 6 months a few times, and even mustered up 6 years during my 30’s. I always fell back deeper under the spell and chains of a very real chew beast.
Its demoralizing to fail so many times, and the whore nicotine can somehow soothe a weary soul battered in the storms of life. Enter the endgame. In the endgame quitting loses importance, in the addicts twisted mind there’s much bigger problems to tackle than daily stuffing cancer in your face. How will I keep paying the Mortgage? How will I keep putting food on the table? How will I get this battered body up again tomorrow? After 30 years of wrenching and rigging and hammering I need that shit to carry on. In the endgame quitting is not even realistic anymore. I drive the Tony Gwynn highway to work everyday. In the endgame you daily read the sign “Tony Gywnn Memorial Highway” as you dribble into a foul smelly container full of your own waste and just shrug your shoulders and say “My fate is out of my control.” Yo FUCK THAT!!
My endgame got downright nasty, constantly sucking on a turd at work, upper lippers, shower dips after “the days last dip”. I could never take a small dip, I was a junkie chasing the elusive perfect dip. However I also have a beautiful wife who loves me and wants a future, I still have a conscience that needs at least some reinforcement, so in the endgame I stop on weekends, only taking an occasional chew when I or the wife leaves the house. This also gives my gums a little breather, but In the back of my mind I know when Monday morning comes around and the work tools come to hand ill be powerless against the beast. Trust me this cycle will rob you of more than just your confidence to quit tobacco. Yo FUCK THAT!!!
On Friday Dec 30th 2016 as I leave work for a glorious 3 day weekend Im feeling up for one more good ole fashion try at escaping this hell. Around Tuesday or Wednesday the following week its still game on against the whore and I’m explaining to my work compadre Tyler (shout out to him for his support) about fake chews and how in the past I used them, but ultimately blamed them for getting me started again. We went online together and searched for fake chews, maybe they had improved, but I found something new….Enter Kill The Can. I found the site that day and devoured everything about it. That day right then and there I KNEW that I would quit with KTC. Ironically I also knew that I had to find a store to buy some fake that night, because I thought I would literally go insane, I knew how weak I was at this game. But I found the Game Changer KTC!!! O HELL YEAH!!!
Within a couple days I’m posting Roll with the 2017 April Fools, I’m reading and walking the “Words of Wisdom”. I’m on the boards as much as possible (which was often because I was worthless at life the first month) and I’m sending out PM’s with my digits. By doing all this I’m owning my quit. Next thing you know the brothers in arms show up and I’m first texting with Danman, a couple hours later its Bruno79, You both gave legs to this dream and I thank you. 2 days later comes Glock Therapy(my eventual neighbor) and Kitkat(the first guy to call me and my quit hero). I really feel like I’m in a posse now, All these guys know what I’m going through and have my back, their more than just funny handles on a forum now. A week later and Harn46n2, Fire Maker, and Airborne are on my phone and the accountability builds. Eventually I’m texting with guys I admire from our month on the boards, BigBen(the squatch tracker), Samrs (the first guy from our month to randomly send me his digits, forever grateful Brothello) , the dogless Batdad called me!!! and davidbmitchell(the dirtbag) let me live vicariously through his adventures. At just the right time when things were kind of blah KGO85 reached out to me and picked me up with some high energy quit freedom I needed. Then My local bro Leonidas From May 17 came thru with some realness less than 8 miles away (I promise to never kayak at your break bro,lol) . Lately Skidwilly and NYCjetfan have have shown me what a great place KTC is to make interesting friends and be impacted by quality quitters. Much Love to all Underdog Wreckers and KTC. These are just the ones who have my eternal gratitude and brought me through the fog. I will always look forward to meeting new quitters also. HELL YEAH!!!
Today I am 121 days quit, and I aint scared to stare down the wall of cancer at any Cstore! I’ll hold court and pump the keg for smoking clowns , chewin clowns, patchin clowns, whatever comes, because I have “washed in the kool-aid of KTC”… (Thats funny right there, I don’t care who you are!)
Truth is I’m not scared because I closed the door to using Tobaccoo, Its off the table. Call it a jedi mind trick, call it whatever you want, just don’t call me complacent, because my quit is real and I enforce it every day by posting a promissory Roll, and remembering EDD how enslaving and despicable chew is. I also have people I am accountable too EDD that Have lives and loved ones they hold dear, and for once in my life Im not letting my people down.
In closing my final thought is that there is hope to all who are under the spell of tobacco. Accept the truth, “its shit” , would you be afraid to go in your garage alone because theres gopher poison and you might eat it? Stop with the crazy shit, post your promise to not pack a lip , and claim your freedom, Walk in freedom, ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM!!! FREEDOM IS NOW!!! O and last but not least to the chew beast… Checkmate Motherfucker.
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Atown
