ForMyLife – HOF Speech
Dear brothers and sisters in quit,
It’s hard to believe there hasn’t been a spit cup, a stack of cans, and a cat turd in my lip for 109 days… It truly is… It’s hard to believe a website-based forum of people just like me enabled me to quit dipping tobacco, and quit all nicotine for that matter. It’s hard to believe that this group of assholes and myself crossed paths – by absolute 100% chance. But it’s all true…
I can recall the first cigarette I smoked… It was 1995, in high school. That year, I played Wide Receiver on the 1995 State Champion Fort Walton Beach High School football team as a junior… I was at a bonfire and a buddy gave me one – I smoked it and fucking hated it…
6 years later, after completing my collegiate football career as a 4 year starter at WR/KR/PR, I picked up another cigarette, but this time that shit was awesome… It was 2001… Within a week, I was puffing a pack of Camel Lights per day… This athlete, who dedicated his life to fitness for over 13 years was now damn smoker… I felt like shit, but kept smoking for 3 more years… After my wife (at the time) had had enough of my stink, and she convinced me to quit… HAHAHAHAHAHAAH!! Quit smoking that is… The nic bitch doesn’t let you down that easy eh?!?! Fuck no… That day I “quit” I introduced myself to dip tobacco… Skoal Mint was the poison of choice, then Cope Reg Long Cut… Oooooh boy what a dream!!
The bad part of this story is that lasted for 10 fucking years… 1 sometimes 2 cans A DAY of dip, the poisons coursing through my lip tissues, into my bloodstream, and straight to my brain… I loved it. I loved every fucking minute of it. I didn’t give a shit who saw me dipping. I’d dip at work, at church, in the grocery store, while working out, I didn’t give a fucking shit!!! Until, my baby girl was born and started to hide it… But then didn’t give a fuck again, but then gave a fuck, and then didn’t give a fuck, and back and forth we go… Until one day my daughter asks me “what’s in your mouth daddy?”… I knew I had to make a change… My mouth was disgusting and the one person I truly love and care for was watching me kill myself… I had to quit – it was time…
It was pure LUCK that ran across this site… No referrals… Nothing… Just surfing the net looking for a cure… I joined up with KTC that night and Raider was the first dude to contact me… I had 4 cans of Skoal Extra Long Cut Mint in the kitchen and he convinced me to trash all of them in the toilet… I did and I haven’t looked back… In fact my avatar is my giving the bird to the last can before I flushed it… That picture was taken 109 days ago – the night of this quit (and my only quit so help me Jesus)…
Along the way, that first week or two were pure hell on earth. I got to vent on here so much and grabbed digits like they were going out of style. I could not have been here today without the likes of Lipi (for those who care – his style helped me tremendously because I appreciated the dire straights of this situation – our lives are at stake here), Tuco, Gooch, JonnyG, Cragdweller, Smeds, Frazz, Dumpo (Funniest fucker I think I know), srohde, SirNope, jabr, Starr_78, Jake_M, NoMoreCopeBlack, Sox, Done4Me, ID_Spuds, basshaug, and Cindy… Each one helped me a little or a lot, but that’s the point of the groups…
Now I rely on KTC for my quit each and every day… I don’t agree with everyone, but I try to please as many as possible… You have a problem with me? I’ll probably tell you to go fuck yourself, and then actually do what you want me to do – because I care about you, and actions speak louder than words…
One thing I have learned over the last 109 days is that we should all strive to understand one another. If you’re dealing with an asshole, let the man be an asshole – who gives a shit… If you’re dealing with a caver, get the answers you need and fucking move on… There are so many details and ancillary things people focus on here that in my opinion don’t mean shit in the context of the lowest common denominator of why we are all here, but the most important thing is a daily pledge to stay quit. KTC you have my pledge today to quit with you. I can only promise today, though… Tomorrow will be another story – but it’s a story I plan to keep going… The pages will go on and on… The drama will never cease… I will always be an addict of nicotine, and I will always be an unreliable, cheating, lying, despicable addict. I am not to be trusted on my own, but with you all here to witness – I can at least give you my word for a 24 hour period. That’s all you ask, and that I can give – because I care. This is for my life. I always need to remind you all each and every day that I plan to quit today, because if I let a day go by without standing on this mountain and preaching my quit I may fall… I will fall… Because that’s who I am… An addict… So we move on… As my brother JonnyG says, we “walk on”…
I love each and every one of you because I know the pain and struggle all of you have gone through and continue to go through. I am here for all of you. Thank you KTC for saving my life… This is for my life…
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member ForMyLife
