From Spitter To Quitter
The tales of JKEdwards’ journey to freedom
It all started with a Camel Snus pouch. I don’t remember the day it started. I don’t remember the time, who all was there, or how much fun I had. I started dipping because I just wanted to try it. A few of my friends dipped. My dad had dipped my entire life. It couldn’t be that bad of a thing right?
I started dipping casually. One every now and then at work or on the weekend. I worked at a gas station for the first 5 years of my adult life. I would get bored and buy a tin of snus because it was right there. I always remember saying I wasn’t addicted, and that I could stop whenever I wanted to, and I just did it because I had nothing better to do. Eventually I migrated from snus to grizzly pouches. I stayed away from “real dip” as I called it for a long while, always looking at it as more disgusting, and more hazardous to my health. From Camel Frost snus to grizzly wintergreen pouches to whatever Skoal longcut flavor I hadn’t tried yet, I eventually started dipping the “harder” stuff with frequency.
My wife had always hated my dipping. I had dipped as long as we have been together. Of course I was a ninja at first, and it’s easy to be a ninja with snus. Eventually I stopped trying to hide it until she would want me to quit. Then I would quit for a few hours, and ninja dip until she caught me again. Sometimes it was months, sometimes it only lasted a few more days. She would get pissed, and I wouldn’t care. I wanted my fix.
Eventually I started realizing that I did want to quit. Mostly to get my wife off my ass, and mostly because I couldn’t remember why I started, and figured I had better things to spend my money on. Those stoppages never last more than a week. I worked at a gas station with dip on the same side of the counter as me, with assholes on the other side bitching about their 3 cents in gas the pump didn’t give them. I visited Kill the Can a few times in those stops to check out the symptoms of quitting so I could make sure I wasn’t going crazy. I also wanted my wife to feel sorry for me and let me buy a can.
I started my new job in September of 2014. I spend a lot of my time in an office setting working on the computer, or talking on the phone. I would walk back to my boss’s office with a dip in and just gut the nasty stuff with the help of a swig of water while we talked about whatever project we might be working on. I kept a desk drawer full of empty water bottles so I never had to worry about finding a spitter. You get the picture. I looked pretty pathetic, and pretty damn unprofessional with a spit bottle of brown goo on my desk.
Fast forward to March. I saw on facebook one Sunday that my Mom’s BF was trying to quit dip, and that started the idea in my head. I remember the day quite vividly. I spent the majority of the Sunday afternoon playing Grand Theft Auto V, chain dipping of course. Later that night I was watching the Walking Dead with my wife. I realized that I was a zombie. I subjected myself to a death much slower than the walkers on that show. Without my daily doses I could not function, and those doses of nicotine did nothing for me in a positive way. I was tired of being a zombie, and I wanted to come back to life. That day I made the decision to quit. The next day at work I was looking up what to expect throughout the withdrawal process. That’s when I stumbled upon KTC and signed up. I had tried quitting before on my own, and it never worked, so I decided to give this place a shot.
It seems a little premature to write a speech at only 100 days quit. What do I know? What can I possibly share that many others that have paved the way before me have not? Honestly, I am not sure that I have any information that hasn’t already been said or shared before. I am writing this because maybe someone is taking the time to read this, and needs the words of advice I have needed. Maybe someone is reading this and realizes it is possible to make it to 100 days if you work hard for it every day. Whatever reason you are here and reading this, I appreciate your valuable time, and hopefully you find something in this long monotonous text that speaks to you.
It’s been a rough 100 days. I have been through some tough battles. I also know the battles are not over. Here is some advice to those still fresh in the quit, and those that are struggling even past 100 days. This place works if you let it. The biggest thing is, you have to let it. Nobody can quit for you. Posting roll is a daily promise to those in your group, and in other groups you post in, that you are not going to use nicotine in any form. Take some time to get to know the people you promise with. It will make that promise much more powerful. Being active in helping others quit will only strengthen your own quit. Another thing is post early. If you wake up and post your promise first thing, you leave no room to let the nicotine whispers effect you. Over the course of my 100 days I have noticed that the people that end up giving in to temptation are usually the ones that haven’t built up that accountability, and haven’t been posting first thing. They leave the door open so they have an out, do me a favor and slam that door shut every day.
Of course, this is the same advice everyone on the site will give to everyone on the site. This is not new information, so why did I bring it up in my big speech. I bring it up, because that is all it takes to be quit. It may seem silly, but being involved, posting first thing every day, and being one of the guys your group looks to for support and leadership will make you successful. I can’t cave, because I have my entire group counting on me. The shitstorm that would follow would be one of monumental size. Another aspect of being involved is best illustrated by Talonad’s words. If I cave, I can never be a June Goon again. My group is what helped me win this freedom, and I will be damned if I have to post a day one and face the consequences of my group.
Speaking of my group. I want to give a special shout out to some of those bad asses. Siggy was the first Goon to welcome me in and send me his digits. Dano has been a huge factor in my quit by riding my ass every time this site pissed me off and I threatened to leave. Randall and I didn’t exchange numbers until much later, but he has been another guy I know I could count on day in and day out. I was at a sales meeting and super swamped with work stuff, and I sent Randall a text to talk to someone who was struggling and there were no questions asked. Our group managed to string together 31 days of consecutive 100% roll posting leading into and through part of our HOF ride. That is just a testament to how bad ass these quitters are beside me.
There are plenty of non-goon quitters that were helpful for me as well. LJT who started as a goon, fucked up, and came back strong with July has been a huge help to me. Just watching him work in July after his cave was inspiring, and it led to me increasing my activity. Candoit would send me random messages about his yard work and many other topics, and it was helpful to just keep my mind busy. BigKahuna, Kasherms, and the April crew helped me vent some rage and my wife will thank them for it. There are many, many more quitters who helped make 100 days possible, so don’t feel bad if you were left out. Whether we have ever interacted or not, there are many quitters who have posted things that have resonated with me.
To those that have paved the way before me, thank you. I appreciate every single one of you that has taken time from your lives to help me along my path. No matter if we have fought, or gotten along the entire time I appreciate every single word you took the time to share.
This is just 100 days. The war against nicotine is still young. But I do know that I have the tools to continue posting +1 every day. As a very wise person has told me before, “I disagree with anyone that says there is no cure. We’re living the cure, its B+A=Q.”
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member JKEdwards
