Giving Back – (My Comma Speech)

The past few weeks I’ve been reminiscing about a lot. How quitting has change my life, how it has defined me as an individual and how it has graciously given back to me and my family. Quitting has given me my freedom. My life.

I’ve written to you here personally many times to vent, laugh and yes even cry. But today I asked my husband to write down his feelings about this journey and what my quit has meant to him. This is the first time he has ever expressed on paper (I’ll be typing it afterwards) or to me how this has affected him. I must say this site and my fellow quitters here are my backbone but he’s truly my foundation. Each of you here hold me up while he supports me so I may never have to falter.

My wife used smokeless tobacco for over 20 years and for most of those years I could not understand why someone could do something that was so detrimental to their body but was also in my mind disgusting. We fought constantly over this a-d-d-i-c-t-i-o-n.

There I said it! 

It took a very long time for me to come to these terms. You see I had never been addicted to anything. I had no vices or anything I needed to have to help. This was new and I definitely didn’t understand or agree with it out of ignorance I later learned. And we all know ignorance isn’t the not knowing – it’s the not wanting to know. I think I was in denial somehow for so long that I didn’t take the time to see what was going on. I never tried to understand why this was happening. My solution was just to voice my opinion on why I didn’t like it and maybe she would quit. Again I didn’t KNOW.

Now fast forward this, some years and I found out I did have an addiction of my own.
My wife. You see that is one thing I couldn’t go with out daily and we were going to get through this. I, however, cannot take any credit for her fighting this addiction and winning .. maybe a small part. But you see it was her own strength and determination along with the Quit sites she found and regularly attended that made the difference, It was those people fighting their own addictions that banded together to beat this monster. Their strength, their stories was that extra motivation needed to do it.

One more thing we later learned my wife was diagnosed with a mental illness called bipolar disorder which if anyone knows is a tremendous battle in itself. Now I know why it was that much more of an accomplishment to have QUIT. So now our lifes take this new road and hopefully we’ll beat this monster and if it takes 20 plus years I do know this I’ll still be addicted to Nicole Ann Lynch forever.

Paul

That’s the first time my husband has ever spoke about my quit .. other than congratulations during my milestones. After my quit, it always seemed to me like he never wanted to talk about my dirty little secret anymore.

I’m so thankful I asked him to take a moment to express what it’s like being on the other side. I’m so thankful for finding you and this site, the wonderful encouragment here and the endless inspiration you have given to me. I hope that you are able to take something away from this today and share it with another.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

much love,
mylilsecret

Day 1058

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member mylilsecret