Here I Am

The cans were all tossed, and I knew I needed to quit. I started surfing the Internet for support, and landed on KTC pretty quickly. I started reading. It seemed these people really got it; understood where I was at.

The folks on the site seemed pretty smart, except for one thing. They had this idea that you would put your name on a list every day, and that would help in your quit. This seemed like silliness to me.

This went on for a few days. I would get on the site and read, occasionally someone was again talking about the importance of posting roll. Finally I thought, well I don’t really see how it could help, but what could it hurt?

So I did. I got registered, stumbled around and managed to find the quit groups. I read all the instructions again, and nailed my first post. (Just now decided I better go back and check; looks like I bumped a few. Sorry guys)

And so it began. I went about my day, still in a fog, still craving, but feeling just a little empowered, thinking about my name on that list. Later I checked back to make sure my name was still there. The next day, I put my name on the list again. I told friends that I quit dipping, and I’m in a group where you put your name on a list as a promise not to use. I told them it sounds silly but it’s working so far. They said congratulations, some rolled their eyes a little. They had seen me “quit” before.

The next day I posted roll, and the day after that. I had good days and bad days. I had days where I was all puffed up that I got this whipped now, only to hit a crave so bad I wanted to strangle the nearest living creature. Then I would remember that I had put my name on the list, and I couldn’t dip because I had promised all those folks that I wouldn’t.

Now here I am, over 100 days later. Sometimes it seems surreal that I’m not dipping anymore. Sometimes I pat my side pocket before getting in the car, to make sure I have my can. Sometimes I start reaching for the can after a meal. Those are habits that I can break. My addiction is nicotine, but I’m not using today, because I said I wouldn’t.

Are you addicted to nicotine? If you’re new here, or haven’t signed up yet, I cannot stress enough the importance of posting roll. Just put your name on that list, as a promise not to use nicotine today. If you are a man or woman of your word, then you’re good for the day. What about tomorrow? Who cares. I’m not using today, because I said I wouldn’t.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member ReWire