H(oss)OF

It goes without saying this is only the first milestone in my lifelong quit – don’t worry, I won’t rehash EdFistyerass’ speech. Probably couldn’t put it as eloquently as he did, anyway…

What I will say, however, is that I am proud as FUCK of myself for accomplishing this first 100 days. I stumbled in here on day 5, foggy and angry at the world, after googling “quit smokeless tobacco.” I found myself entering chat under the name BigHoss – looking for somebody to pat my back and tell me I was doing a super terrific job. What I got, instead, was a fine fellow by the name of jPiNe telling me I was queer and he would heretofore be referring to me as “Big Hose in my Ass.” I was stunned…”what kind of fucked up support system is this?” I was 1 readily available handgun away from suicide and this stranger is giving me shit about my screenname? I got pissed and told him to fuck off – angrily lurked around the site for another few hours reading everything I could and realized how much better I felt as I cooled off.

It was at that moment I realized what this site was all about. I am not special or unique – everyone here has gone through or is going through what I am now. Worse even – I read about quitters who had loved ones die, lost jobs, lost homes, cancer, etc. Quitters who had battled a nicotine addiction for upwards of 30 years. Quitters who ate, drank, worked and slept with dip in their mouths. But these people got and stayed quit…and most did so because of the support they got from their brothers and sisters on this site. I was blown away – and at that moment took control of my quit. If these guys can do it…I’d be a ginormous pussy if I couldn’t get it done for ME, one day at a time. For this reason, I’ll spare you the details of my story of how I started dipping – it’s really no different from anyone else. I started, I couldn’t stop, and it impeded every relationship/job/friendship I’ve ever had. I’ll take the rest of this venue to talk about how I stopped…

Now, let me say how proud and grateful I am for all of you. To the vets – through all the shit talking and fucking around, it’s easy to forget how many lives you’ve saved, mine included. First, I gotta thank jPine…I still haven’t figured you out but I want you to know what you’ve done for my quit. Chewbaka, we haven’t talked much but you were the first to send me a PM with your phone number – I knew I was in a special place when you did that. Slug, RedTrain, QT and BigPapa – you guys were my ROCK in chat when I needed a decent distraction. Smokey, your odd posts are probably too smart for most of us here, or maybe you just think that they are….but your respect for this site and the power it has to save lives is contagious. Thanks for showing us all the way.

A couple of you new quitters helped me out too. Thanks to SPARKS 5, jrod, lenwas, yammerhammer, outernal, Dean and others for reminding me that I NEVER want to go through the first few weeks again!

To my fellow FOQers…we have accomplished together what I thought would be impossible. We’ve lost a few along the way and while we shared in the disappointment, I know it made us stronger. All of you played a part in my quit so far but a couple need the spotlight. Rky, you’re first for being a Buffs fan – Your pm’s and words of encouragement got me through a lot of hard times so far – thanks for being a friend. TFurrh, you led our group into the Hall but you were also our leader. You showed us it was not always a cake-walk and you were open about your struggles. I am especially proud of you for picking yourself up, taking your fair share of shit, and charging ahead. WildCat, :ph43r: , you’re a badass with a blackbelt in QUIT. Niwot, thanks for the call and being a solid quit buddy. JpCrew, whatever you wanna call yourself is fine with me cause you’re a badass quitter by any name! TCOPE, thanks for running the books for us – accountability is the name of the game and you helped keep us together. Ed, thanks for helping me see that my life is fairly normal!

That’s it, I’m exhausted…all out of thanks. I know I forgot to mention a few people. Forgive me. You can write to tell me I’m an asshole but I’m not gonna change it like Ed.

Brian

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member BigHoss44