How To Write a HOF Speech – a Step-By-Step Approach

How to write an H.O.F. Speech……….

That’s what we are all here for isn’t it….to reach 100 days quit so Chewie will let us post an H.O.F speech right ? Yep….that’s the goal. Chewie….thank you for the opportunity to do this. Some day I hope to repay you with a homebrew.

So here is how I did it…..

The first step: H.O.F Speech Pre-requisite

Start chewing. Yep…you heard me…first you gotta start chewing. Every self respecting H.O.F. speech has the history of how a successful quitter started chewing. So I did that….23 years ago. And I did it well…….a can of Skoal fine cut every day for 23 years.

The second step: Quit Chewing

Quit chewing. Yep……you heard me again. You can’t write an H.O.F speech unless you’ve quit chewing for 100 days. See in order to quit chewing you have to start chewing but we already covered that in Step 1.

The third step: H.O.F. Speech Material Gathering

That’s where it gets interesting……..you gotta gather a lot of information and material to write a good H.O.F speech. You can definitely get all you need in your very own quit group during the first 30 days. In fact……there is a wealth of information in those first 30 days. When I hit the hall I went back and “bumped” a bunch of posts from the first 30 days. It’s amazing the stuff that we say…..think ….and feel for the first 30 days. But if you are not actively engaged for the first 30 days then you’re gonna miss all this great stuff. So stay VERY ACTIVE EVERY DAY. A typical day for me went kinda like this………

6:00-7:00am….get up and grab a cup of coffee. Then in between trying to take breakfast orders from my 5 and 8 year olds I try to get over to be the first to post roll call…..only to find that DPJ1168 beat my ass by 10 minutes. Doesn’t matter…post at 6:20 and DPJ posts at 6:10. Post at 6:45…DPJ posts at 6:35. Fine. Then head on over to post in some other groups. I tried to do this quick because Mule seems to wait for me to eerily post right next to me….every day…..thanks DPJ and Mule, both of you were constants in my morning roll posting ritual. Mule…very few people have called me Heidi and lived to tell about it….. B)

Next…..grab a cup of coffee. But wait. Before you drink any of it you gotta grab your cell phone…take a picture of it and send it to Animal. You’ll promptly get back a “Hell yeah it’s a beautiful day to be quit oh yeah nothing better than an aged french press blended cup of joe the sun is up im quit hell yeah”. I’m gonna get Animal a book on punctuation……….Dean, thanks for the morning coffee my friend.

8:00-ish….OK…once you get to the office you gotta grab another cup of coffee and read through all of BBJ’s quotes. Doesn’t really matter what kinda day you’re having…….read through enough quit groups and BBJ will have a quote that makes you feel better. Thank you Brother Jack. I’m gonna run that Tri with you in 2010.

Then….get on with your day. But during that first 30 days you gotta get back on the boards when the cravings start to hit. Lots of good information for an H.O.F. speech there. In fact one of the best places for some good information is the March 09 group roll call…..right after Hydro’s post. That’s where you will find the latest G40’ism……or words of profound wisdom. Or at least new words……

Greg40 provided me with more laughs…and new vocabulary words…both on the boards…in the public chat…and in the private chat box than I can possibly list here. Thanks Greg. I look forward to sharing an entire homebrew keg with you soon. Very soon.

Later on in your 30 days you’re gonna start to recognize habits. You’ll see two people post roll at damn near the same time every day and both look for the other…like Professor Pinch and Foreman Scotty. Thanks to both of you. As soon as I get to the office I checked to make sure you both were there…and you always were. That was more important to my quit than you know. Later on you’ll get to know some of the other guys….like Scooter and Noplacelikethemiddleofnowwhere…I mean neb. Thanks guys. Scooter…thank you not only for your insightful posts but also for changing from your first Avatar !!! You’ll also work your way into a couple lesser known groups. CJ….thanks for the “scenery”. And Raymwii. Thanks for the conversations. Congratulations on the new baby and keep getting out…remember 20 minutes….turn around and head back….works for me.

Then if you are lucky you have somebody who quit on the same day as you. Wallace the Dog…aka Wallydog. Thanks. I saw you logged on during countless occasions but not posting roll? What’s up…..panic starts. This guy can’t quit. He’s on my day. That’s bad for me right. So…send a text to wallydog…see him post…get a reply…sorry got busy. See I never let that bother me…..Wally was probably off saving someones life from a burning inferno I figured. Probably he was a few of those days….but my money is most days he could not figure out what the hell day he was on so he was waiting for me to post…..thanks Wallace. In the early days just knowing somebody else quit on the same day as me kept me going. If you could do it…I could do it. Raven..UCRick..Finn….all of you were there every day. Thanks. I’m proud to say I was a member of March 09.

So around 10:00-ish or so…check back in and see that some dumb-ass changed your group name. Again. Yep. Who-Dey was here. Look back on your first 30 days….you’ll post a goofy face and call Who-Dey a name. He’ll fire back with 65 emoticons of you….  and well….let’s leave it at that. Around the third week of your quit you’ll figure out that if you hit the “show all” button on the emoticons you get the whole list. And I though he had them in a special place. Well….maybe he does…..thanks WhoDey. You make an easy and fun target while a new quitter is still in the fog.

Get through the day….get home…have dinner….read the kids a story….they all seem like Alice & Wonderland the adult version the first 30 days but you get through them. Then head on into chat. There you’ll find JustQuit and Ricko and KD4Jet….and even Jpine (thanks JP). I learned to speak Latin in the chat rooms watching my friend Ricko type. And I learned how to pounce on new quitters from JustQuit. JQ can talk anybody into quitting. Right Wildcat, Mr. Rodgers and NMC ?? You guys are doing great. I’m proud to watch each of you beat the nic-bitch down in your own way. Just look out….SmokeyG is back. Thanks for the early messages Smokey. And Ready.

You also get a lot in chat early on from the “old timers”. Hell……guys a couple months before you….like those “manuary” boys (Thanks BC & Copefiend)…they are doing the impossible. If they can do it with a dancing emoticon…..we can do it with a Shamrock…at least that was what I kept telling myself. Look back a couple months and read through the groups just ahead of you…..they are still active…..and they are posting and dealing with all the problems you are gonna be dealing with. Why not read them and get a head start on the solution? Got a question…ask them. An early group is eager to help. Just leave off the dancing “manuaries”.

Then after the first 30 days you settle in. Hell…roll call gets to be fun. You get to watch the “train wrecks” in the new groups around 9:00 when 23 new quitters try to post at the same time. WhoDey described it best as a “crack addicts forum”. Best 20 minutes you’ll ever spend…….you’ll even get some good episodes from your own “rage”. I found throwing garbage cans was most effective.  Some days you’ll feel like crap and guys like Mike1228 will hang out ‘till you feel better.

Then a bunch of those train wreck survivors emerge in the newer groups and you can learn a lot for your own HOF speech from them. In my case there is a clear winner. Rkymtnman. Most of you know him as Ricky Martin Man. Thanks Jeff. For the last 20 years. Enough Said.

Watch the newer groups…..you learn a lot about yourself in watching somebody go through what you did. We’re all the same in many ways. None of us liked day 3. All of us are true quitters. We’re all different too. Some take the tough love…hard-ass approach…….others take the “show respect get respect approach”. Choose your path. But continue walking on it. Don’t stop. The journey does not end. And for those who choose the hard-ass approach…..you’ll get to many cross-roads which give you the opportunity to run down the “show respect path” a bit…give it a try. You might like it.

The fourth step: Close the Door.

Many people talk about this. I am sure it is different for everyone. I, like my friend G40, was fortunate. I found this site. This, and many of the people reading this, helped me to close the door on my first attempt at quitting. I closed the door very early. I just did not know it. I closed it when I chose to be active on the boards and in chat. I thought I would close the door on my quit after I reached the hall. But I actually started closing it when I tried to beat DPJ to roll call each day. I closed further it when I sent Animal a picture of a cup of coffee every day. I closed it when I got a text from a new guy like Mr. Rogers asking me to post roll because he was on the road.

Your job is to find what it takes to close the door for you.

You see it’s kinda like summer camp. You know….you dread having to go for a week and not knowing anyone. Who will like you? Will everyone pick on you? Will your parents remember to pick you up? Will they want to?

Then after a little while you make some friends and don’t want to leave. You’ll never have as much fun again in your life you say….You’ll never see these friends again…..kinda like the games the nic-bitch plays on you. But we all went home from that summer camp. We had even better times. We moved on….had better and better experiences.

Closing the door on quitting is like leaving summer camp. We were scared as hell to go. We didn’t want to leave……again…like the nic-bitch……but once we did….we moved on with our lives and it got better and better. Once we realize that we can leave camp…and nicotine……and we finally understand that there WILL be better times ahead we can close the door.

And once you close the door my friends……you have everything you need to write an HOF speech. I look forward to reading them.

Dave / hydro

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member hydro