I AM CURED! – I Am So Not F-ing Cured

To me, the real significance of the Hall of Fame is singular: It is possible for an addict to live without dip for 100+ days. But more about that later.

Right off the bat, I have a confession: I never meant to quit. Quite frankly, I needed to piss clean for my life insurance policy. I didn’t need to quit dipping forever. I needed to STOP dipping for three to ten days. And that’s what I was initially planning. I intended to go cold turkey, bear the withdrawal, piss clean, and start dipping again as soon as the nurse pulled the needle from my arm. I did not want to quit. Let me repeat: I did NOT want to quit. And I wasn’t going to quit.

Without doubt, someone reading this speech right now is in the exact same position I was: You want to stop dipping to piss clean for a life insurance policy, and your Internet research has led you here. Maybe this is the third or fourth time you’ve been to this site. Maybe you’ve even registered and started posting roll.

But how or why you’re reading this is irrelevant. Of relevance is this point only: This site will help you quit.

How? For starters, the site and its members made me THINK:

Why was I trying to cheat the test? Not because I wanted to defraud the insurance company, but because I wanted to continue lying to my wife about using dip.

Why are life insurance rates higher for nicotine users? We DIE all the time.

What would happen to me if I kept dipping? I would DIE.

What would I leave behind? Everything. Goddamn EVERYTHING: My baby boy, my wife, my family, my passions, my future, my happiness…EVERYTHING.

Could I prevent it? Yes.

How? Quit.

Why not quit? No reason to not quit. No good goddamn reason. I wasn’t missing anything. I hadn’t so much as caught a buzz from nicotine in more than 15 years. I did it only because it owned me. I did it for the fix; to maintain.

Would it be difficult to quit? Fuck yes. Oh my fucking God, yes.

This is the second area where KTC changed everything for me, in two ways.

First, KTC helped me remember, every day, that I was quit. Sounds simple, but this was something I lacked in previous failed attempts to quit. I’d make it a few weeks, and then there would seem to be no reason to keep up the fight. It was as if I forgot to stay quit. KTC made that impossible.

Secondly, all my brothers are here. Letting them down is an impossibility.

I need to qualify the preceding…how letting my brothers down is an impossibility. Or even more simply, how any of these idiots is a brother in the first place. After all, this is the Internet, right? I don’t even know these dudes.

Well, that isn’t true. I do know a lot of these guys. I know where they live and what they do for a living and what their kids’ names are. Moreover, we are all connected by the bond of quit. This is no bullshit. Quitting nicotine is supremely difficult, and the guys and girls quitting with you have been battered and beaten just like you have. So, if you are new here and just do not grasp the roll-call concept or are dubious about feeling connected to this site or its members (like I was), be patient. Get involved. Bullshit on chat or post your thoughts in the forums. It’s going to make all the difference.

Without KTC, I would have gone back to dipping in early April. No doubt about it. Hell, I MEANT to go back to dipping in early April. The site changed my perspective. I realized that going back to dip was, at best, useless. At worst? A death sentence. And my God: Imagine being in your early 40s or 50s, lying in a hospital bed, slowly dying…KNOWING you could have changed things? I cannot be in that position. I won’t be.

All this leads back to the singular significance of the Hall of Fame. My situation proves that an addict can live without dip for 100+ days. It proves nothing else, though.

Staying quit for 100 days does not mean I am cured, or that I am safe from temptation, or that I no longer crave tobacco. I still do, every day. You might, too. Staying quit for 100 days does not mean that 200 or 500 or 5,000 days of being quit is guaranteed for me. It’s not.

But so what? You just need steely balls to face a crave 100+ days after your last dip. Then it passes. You need nothing more than balls. A lot of balls. Probably more than you’ve ever had to conjure. Dig that? Heroin addicts don’t have to conjure up this kind of balls.

If you’re up to it, post roll today, and face your habit minute by minute. If not, fuck off, because you’re a pussy. No one here is a pussy.

Along the way, you might meet a lot of these non-pussies. Some have helped me get oriented with my own quit and offered great friendship…guys like jpine, visamoht, SmokeyG, bobbyGOLFnc, redtrain14, Aneokly, Skoal Monster, iuchewie, 11×4, Ready, Hydro, QuittinTime, Slug, MoveForward, JpCrew, Outernal, nogreenbear, jaydisco, mule21, ScooterScum, kd4jet, Trapper, Livin, LAQuitter, TCOPE, BigHoss…

(And yes, the preceding list is in a very particular order, from the tightest vagina to the loosest. And if I forgot to mention you, it’s because you are a Communist.)

Basically, all of my July quit brothers deserve big thanks, for supporting me either directly or quietly… (I still hate Tboner, so he doesn’t count. Also, I take roll-call violations personally, so if you are not on this list, it’s probably intentional): Waynebo, Markr, Husky243, chh76, Captain Qunt, Cubby Cunt, scorpio, ajax, DD3, WebD, Wofa, harmwag, diabase (The Rock Dork), Finecut, beltbuckle, Pyrovalin (Tim the Limb), RIPDIP (Andrew the Sex Sandwich), Montana Rob.

Truly special thanks to Glenn, Ray, Dan, Mark, Nathan, Steve, Brent and Jeff. (If you think it’s you, it either IS you, or you’re an egomaniac tool. Run a check, homie.)

Ultimate thanks to Toddy…a ballast and comrade, day after day

And thank you for giving my life real meaning, Jack and Mrs. Cunt.

+1

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member DeanTheCoot