I Am Not a Unique and Special Butterfly

I am not a unique and special butterfly. I am a drug addict. So are you. This is the bond we share. I think you will recognize my story.

I recognize it. I have already read it. You wrote it a week ago? A month ago? A year ago?

I got my first job out of college. I hear I can stay awake driving the car with dip. What starts out as a simple pleasure grows into? An addiction; a 2,000 cans dipped in my lifetime addiction. In my early 40s I quit. Who am I kidding? I paused for a year and half. It was the plan all along. A planned pause. I get back together with my girl. The girl I love; the girl I keep secret. Yes, I know. You hide your dip too. I have already read your story. Planned caves. Secret dipping.

I am driving to the Kiawah Marathon. Happily dipping in the car for the 2-hour trip up the Coast, a drug addict’s nirvana. Hopping from bridge to bridge. Skipping over marshes and rivers. Spanish moss and salty air. Alone time bliss. Me and my girl. The radio on. Sharing the moment.

I arrive. I finish my dip. Because I am with runners I don’t crank a dip for 48 hours. Did I mention I am a liar? I hide my addiction? I’m a fake?

I excitedly open the can for the return ride home. The pinch in the can is so frustratingly small that it renders itself undesirable. What to do? I now remember the last dip I took happens to be on 12/11/10. A date refreshingly easy to remember and I am so sick of being a slave. Instead of a planned cave I find myself in an unplanned pause. WTF? Soon afterwards, I scour the Internet trying to make this fortuitous pause last. I stumble onto the Kill the Can website. I am a lurker. I read, I read, and I read more. 23 days into my pause, I post roll for the first time. I am transformed. I quit says Scowick65. I quit.

I am scared shitless. Post roll? How do you post roll? Some dudes are pricks. “I’ll take a flamethrower to this place.” Others are supportive. Somehow, everyone offers something I need. Pricks, dicks, friends, fiends…Brothers, all Brothers. I take it all in. All of it. I find my role. I offer something back.

I know the following to be true: God gave me free will; the power of choice. I choose to quit today. I choose to quit with you Brother, to quit with you Sister, to quit with KTC.

I must continue in this Brotherhood. If you move on, I will have to make new friends, find new Brothers and Sisters. Why? Because, if I don’t…well…you know how it ends. I have already read your story.

You are not a unique and special butterfly. You are a drug addict.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Scowick65