I Did It For Me
There are Many Like It…
My story is the same as everyone else’s because we are all the same – addicted to chewing tobacco in one form or another. You see, I started dipping because I liked it. I genuinely enjoyed it. If I think really hard I can still remember what it was like to truly enjoy the sensations. Dipping fit with my persona, it was part of the image I liked projecting to the people I met. Stupid.
Back in April of 2007 I went through an experience that tested me as a person; an experience that shook me to the core. I’m not going to put the details on this board because everyone has experiences that are similarly traumatic for them – nothing is gained from the “mine is bigger” crapola that usually ensues from posting the details. The point is that most people I know that go through this sort of thing find that they come out of it a different person – usually closer to who they really are. Being close to your own extinction, facing the frailty of your own life – only then can you drop the BS you’ve been showing the world for your whole life. I read a lot of speeches on here and everyone talks about how they lied – to family, friends, wives, everyone. I think most of us were lying to ourselves.
But this one is mine…
I started down a path in life that didn’t have room for that skoal ring in my pocket – not because other people thought it was gross or because it was socially unacceptable. I didn’t have room for it because I knew it didn’t make sense to love life so dearly and then continually do something that anyone with half a brain knows might kill you. I guess that’s the irony of cancer: it doesn’t care if you have a brain. I wanted to quit so badly. If I wanted to quit so badly why couldn’t I? When that thought crossed my mind my stomach dropped – “couldn’t”? This isn’t cold fusion. This isn’t world peace. It’s dip. It’s ground up tobacco leaves, fermented, acidified and packed into a can for your carrying convenience. This site was what helped me put that can down forever.
My quit is mine. Yours is yours. Ultimately, the only person you have to answer to is you. The loved ones I lied to about quitting could have deleted me from their lives but I can’t get rid of me. When I wake up each morning I don’t want to look at someone in the mirror who is too weak to avoid putting that crap in my mouth. I want to align who I am with what I do, and that means being strong enough to quit.
I’m not going to name anyone specifically that helped me on this journey because ultimately the fact that everyone was here contributed to my quit. Those of you who gave me that extra kick in the ass when I needed it know who you are and you know how important it was to me. Thank you.
Day 1 or Day 1000, I’ll just keep taking it one day at a time. Yesterday is just a memory and tomorrow is just my imagination – the only day worth worrying about is right now.
This is for the newcomer reading this post…
You can do this whatever way you want. I took a hiatus from the site after my quit group was done, maybe that’s not for everyone. I missed a day here and there posting roll, maybe some folks shouldn’t even try. The most important thing is that you admit, like I did, that you haven’t been honest with yourself for a long time when it comes to dip, so maybe when you wake up and think about not posting roll that day, you should consider whether its for a good reason or because you want to make sure you don’t feel that shame when you walk into the gas station and ask for another can from behind the counter when you cave. You’re stronger than that – if I can do it so you can you.
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Medic1503
