I Will Forever Be a Quitter

I was 15 years old and hanging with some buddies. Billy pulls up on his motorcycle and after some discussion we decided to go and try to buy some tobacco. We had seen some of the older guys on the team doing it, so we thought we would be cool as well. Never done it before, didn’t know what we were doing, but new the Big B had it in the isles and we could pick it out. So I was chosen to give it a try and I succeeded. A pack of Redman Chew and can of Kodiak Wintergreen is what was picked out of the bunch. And the little ole’ lady behind the register didn’t have a clew I was only 15 and about to partake in something that would be with me for the next 15 years. Well, we all tried both of them, with Billy and Joe ending up in the shitter with there head in the bowl. But I stood strong, not getting sick, but catching one hell of a head buzz. I WAS HOOKED.

So for the next few years, I had to hide it from my parents, teachers, coaches, etc… Got caught many times, and paid the price on many occasions. But the bitch had me hooked. Even missed out on some hootchie cootchie because of it. What a dumbass. But I kept it up. Once I graduated and moved out to college, I thought the world was my playground and dipping was my right. We could dip at practice, on my couch in my apartment. Hell you could get away with in class as long as weren’t spitting on the floor. I was in dipping heaven. No one to tell me what I was doing was wrong. And if they did, they were wrong. It was my right to do it.

Fast forward 10 years and now I am married with a mortgage and baby on the way. Now I have tried to quit once or twice in my life, but never was it in the best intentions. I think I knew in the back on my mind that it wouldn’t last. And it didn’t. 2-3 days into it I would have one and think; I’ll just cut back and have 1 a day and wean myself off of it. But that would quickly turn back into full blown addiction and back to the can/plus a day routine.

Well, my wife gets pregnant (finally, though I didn’t mind the practice) and she has to quit smoking and drinking (which she did on rare occasions) but still had to give it up. She asks me to quit my habit and I laughed it off. Why do I have to quit. My habit is not hurting anyone else. My habit is my problem and basically I did not see it as a problem. So I brushed her request off and didn’t think much of it. She persisted and I started to research the idea. But I new I could not attempt such a feat during hunting season, so Feb 1st was day to quit. About a week or so before that day I found this website. I read everyones stories, saw the successful pictures of those already in the HOF. Thought to myself, hell, if these guys can do it, than I can do it.

So on Feb. 1, 2008, I decided not to have a dip. It was hell. I fought it all day. For the next few days my world was flipped upside down. I couldn’t work, couldn’t sleep, and was pissed of at the world. I came back to this site and signed up. Never been part of any website forum before. But I figured I needed some kind of help and didn’t want to get a patch or a pill to help. I signed roll for the 1st time 4 days into my quit. Just knowing that others were in the same boat as I was reassuring enough to help through the hard times. Being able to vent, post stupid shit that was happing to me and knowing others were going through the same shit at the same time, made it easier to get through the hard times. Eventually the hard times came further and further apart. I was able to be apart of society again. I was going to get through this shit. I was going to beat the nic bitch that has controlled my life for last 15 years. I was going to be able to say no the tobacco industry for the 1st time in many, many years. I WAS QUIT.

So today I am 101 days into my quit that WILL last a lifetime. I believe in myself that this quit is permanent. I never would have gotten this far with out this site. I believe in the accountability that this place stands for. I am a man of my word, and by posting roll everyday, I know that by breaking my promise, I would let not only myself, my wife, my family down, but also the ones that have helped me get this far. My brothers in quit. Ya’ll are a huge factor to my success. Hell, I owe my life to you guys. I know that this will be a continued battle for many years. But one day at time is the only way to get through it. I will continue to post roll and support the one place I was able to find success. I am forever in debt to each and everyone one of you here.

For all of the guys that keep this site up and running, the admins, I want to personally thank you for everything you do. For the guys in my group, thanks for listing. I know I didn’t post very often and probably much of what I said was off the cuff and probably didn’t make much sense. But ya’ll are the reason I have made it this far and will continue to move forward. For everyone else that becomes part of this site, you will come to find out that this is truly, one of the greatest sites on the internet. This place has changed my life for the better.

I am sorry for such the long winded story. But I felt like sharing this morning, and I hope that by someone reading my story, they will be able to turn the corner and make the decision to take the plunge. The decision is tough, the journey is even harder. But the reward is unbelievable. You can do this. You can get through life with out the nic bitch on your shoulder, be in a can or in a smoke. I believe in you and so with you brothers in quit.

One day at a time. You can take on the day today and let tomorrow be dealt with tomorrow.

Thanks again for saving my life.

Thomas

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member corn69