I’m an Addict

Smoke asked for stories last night about thinking of lying to the group. Well here is a story of how I lied to myself for a long time. I told Smokey earlier on that I thought about quitting the site right after I joined. Everyone was talking seriously about chewing and their addiction. It was actually something Chewie said in one of the intro sections.

Here is the section Chewie wrote:

“We understand how difficult it is and how difficult it will be. How do we know? Because we, like you, are addicts. We are not “former addicts”. We will always be addicts… now we are addicts who no longer chew tobacco.”

Ok, so right here he says the word addict 4 times. I never really classified myself as an addict before, and quite frankly, it scared the shit out of me. I almost ran away because I wasn’t quite sure what I had gotten myself into. I tried to kid myself that I could quit anytime I wanted. Sure I had tried before. It usually ended with me fishing out my can from the garbage where I had thrown it away the day before. Then 65 said yesterday that he was no different than a heroin junkie (just a preference of drug). Even after 46 days, it scared the shit out of me (thank god something finally did) to hear someone talk like this. So I’ve finally came to grips with the fact that I am addicted to chew. It has helped me to realize that I will always battle this problem. I sure as hell hope it gets easier with time like I’ve been told. Coming to grips with this realization also helps me to not succumb to that urge that just one will be fine.

I have talked quite a few of my friends into quitting as of late. Well none of them have actually quit (probably bc it wasn’t their own idea). Several of them led me on to believe that they had. Yeah, they have seriously cut back, but they have a chew once in a while. What’s interesting is that most of them kept this from me. It eerily reminded me of myself when I would hide my chewing from other people. Just more evidence that this stuff takes an active will to beat.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Brent