I’m an Addict – Jbash’s HOF Speech
Well shit, I fucking did it. Well, I suppose I did it 32 days ago, but regardless. I hit that 100.
Never actually thought I’d see the day. And my wife still doesn’t believe I’m going to last. But that is fine, because you see, the Nic bitch has controlled me for far too long. And I use “has” in the present tense, because we all know that this path we are on, is one day at a time. And that devil can creep right back in and send you running to the store to buy a log.
I had my first chew on a job site when I was 17, just me and the boys in our carpentry vocational class thinking we were hot shit. However, I did’t throw another one in until I hit 18. You see, I was an active member of my local fire house and everyone, legit, everyone had a fatty in. 24/7. So once I turned 18 I started chewing, more and more and more. From my sweet Cope wintergreen on down to the cheap Timberwolf. I’d chew it all.
Eventually I left for the Navy, and had the opportunity for my first “Pause.” While in Bootcamp I would take dental floss and put it in my lip.(the RDCs never found out) and was able to kick the habit. Honestly, looking back at it, I guess that was my first 100 days. Anyway, upon graduation I had my family drive me to the nearest gas station, buy a tin, and packed a juicy lip. Why?
Because I’m an addict.
Anyways, I continued chewing while in the Navy, hell I’d waste 200-300 bucks before a deployment to load up on logs so I wouldn’t go dry when I was out to sea. I rationalized that I’d spend that amount anyway… over the course of time…when in reality I was just wasting money. I’d have family send me chew, and get angry at my mom for not shipping that cancer out to me. Why?
Because I’m an addict.
I picked up smoking while in Japan as well. You see, dip isn’t a thing over there, but smoking sure as shit is. So, in order to talk to a chick while out drinking in Tokyo or Yokohama , and still get my fix, I’d smoke a cig. My first one being a Lucky Strike. I would smoke a whole pack while out drinking. Even though I used to rag on my own father for smoking. Why?
Because I’m an addict.
I had my second true chance to quit when I was on my last deployment. While in the Middle East I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. I was in the ICU in some UAE hospital for about a week. I was in the hospital for another week and a half. I went four days with no chew. However, once the boys from my command started coming to visit, I had them bring me three things the DOC didn’t want me to have. Good Food, a diet coke, and… you guessed it…my cope straight. (switched at 20 years old to straight) Why?
Because I’m an addict.
I was told I’d have to leave the Navy after 6 years because of the Beetus, so naturally I turned to chew to help alleviate the stress. Went through my boards and all, was medically retired, yet i still chewed. Why?
Because I’m a fucking addict.
I’ve promised my wife countless times I’d quit. Hell I told her when my son was born I’d quit… and I did… well no, I hit Pause. I quit for about 2 months. Well, let me rephrase, I dropped dip but picked up cigars… then the Jull… then started ninja dipping snus…. Snus 24/7. At first I thought I’d be alright with just snus, but it grew to snus around the wife, long cut in the car…. Why?
Because I’m a fucking addict….
So, I’m finally clean. As you can see, I danced with the devil for far too long. I put it before my wife, my son, and myself. It took me until November of 2019…. 9 whole years from that first blissful buzz… to realize how fucking dumb I was being. So I do not blame my wife for not thinking I’m going to stay the course, but I know i will. For myself, my son, and for her. But the thing is, even though I am at 132 days as of today, I still have a weight on my back.. Why?
Because I’m a FUCKING ADDICT.
One day at a time boys and girls. And we can keep that shit at bay. But don’t get complacent. Why?
Because we are all FUCKING ADDICTS. (And if you don’t agree with that, you need to re-evaluate your quit)
Before I sign off I need to thank @Bigdiesel90 From the very first day this dude helped me stay the course, dealt with my anxiety, and still talks to me every day. This site is the fucking shit. Without it, I doubt I’d be quit. Without my brothers and sister coaching, cheering, and cussing me out all along the way. PTQWY
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Jbash
