I’m DONE! (No, Not Really)

I’m Steve, and my last dip was Friday 9/29/17. I have been nicotine free since.

I have been dipping for far longer than I care to admit (30 out of the last 31 years). I quit for over a year 8 years ago, but caved. If I had known about this site and had these kinds of resources I think I would have been able to get the help I needed then to stay quit. I’m glad that I’ve found it now and will be on here daily checking in, encouraging others, and looking for help when I need it. I have been trying to read and research through the fog and the moods and the lack of focus over the past couple days and have already found incredible stories and have seen how supportive everyone is of each other. It’s amazing how dead accurate the list of symptoms is for me so far, and I appreciate that as a resource to know what to expect in the future.

I joined my quit group and added my name to roll call. Thank you to everyone that has encouraged me so far!!!

Today has been my best day so far, but I can feel the “fog” rolling in. Hopefully it didn’t cause me to ramble too much!

With that simple intro post I showed up here at KTC like most everyone else before me. A FAILURE and an ADDICT.

What? Does that sound harsh? I had tried to quit repeatedly over the course of those 31 years and had FAILED. I stopped for a year and a half or so (notice the word “stopped” instead of “quit” or “Quit”, there is a difference) during that time (pre-KTC) and had CAVED (a word I didn’t know at the time) and FAILED. As Quitters go, I was a FAILURE. Let’s be honest, everyone that posts a Day 1 here has been a FAILURE at QUITTING. So, what’s different for me now??? KTC.

When I first showed up on the KTC scene, I had a number of “vets” reach out to me. I’m gonna kick myself in the ass if I miss any, but INKcogKNEEdough, FISHFLORIDA, and JeffW were the first three to welcome me. I didn’t know it at the time (how could I???) but those are some badass quitters to have welcome you to the site!!! They all sent me their digits, I sent them mine. We started texting a little. They made me promise to send my day # every day in addition to posting roll. Fish made me promise to do it every single day until I made HOF (and still won’t let me stop now that I’m here). I have texted all three of them (whether they wanted it or not) every day since. Scratch that, I think I may have missed one or two days out of those first hundred, but I have NEVER missed a roll post.

One thing I learned early in my quit is that I’m not special, and neither are you. I spent a LOT of time that first week (and since) pouring through the info here on KTC, particularly the what to expect stuff found here and here. Anyone that says they don’t go through those things at roughly the same times is full of crap. The DEGREE to which you experience it may vary, but you will go through it. Why does that matter? Because KTC separates Quitters by Quit date into Quit groups so that our brothers and sisters are experiencing the same things we are, at around the same times, so we can support each other and help each other through it. We rage together. We fog together. We funk together. We hit HOF together. We bond over this addiction and what it takes to Quit it.

I am a proud card carrying member of the January ’18 F.U.R.Y., and if you don’t know what that is (or it doesn’t scare the ever loving crap out of you) I very, VERY highly suggest catching up with us here. These crazy bad ass quitters have been by my side from the day I got here and there is no way I’d be writing this speech if it hadn’t been for them. Everyone thinks their own particular group is the best. I know mine is. I exchanged digits with as many of them as I could (not quite all, but most). JTL and Donewithit share my quit date and we hit HOF together. A few more “vets” reached out and I reached out to them and others. My daily text list grew to over 45 people. I don’t send group texts so it takes a minute or two every morning, but it gives me that much more accountability. My Quit is that much stronger. I watched my brothers and sisters rage (because I never did myself), watched our group expand and contract as people joined and people caved, and formed bonds I never knew possible with a bunch of “internet strangers” all because of our addiction to this horrible bitch called nicotine. I turned as many of these people as I could into “text friends” and “online friends” rather than “internet strangers”. Ultimately I was able to even meet up with one (Montovon) when he was on my turf for business.

Of all of my F.U.R.Y. brothers and sisters I have to admit I’m probably closest to CNC, Dog, Probe, Brick, and Kyle. These five guys have caught all of my crap almost since the beginning, and I’m here for theirs. I very honestly owe a LOT of my Quit to them. Why? Because they are not internet strangers to me, they are brothers. I know that if I am struggling, they are going to be there to kick me in the ass and keep me Quit. How do I know that? They’ve proven it! I was headed to work one morning (and hadn’t posted or texted anyone yet – shame, shame) and needed gas. Right about the time I was pulling in I had a HUGE crave, so I sent them all texts. Before I stopped at the pump 3 or 4 of the 5 had replied, at 5:00am or so my time (so around 7:00am their time). “Be strong”, “You’ve got this”, I honestly don’t remember exactly what was said but it was along those lines. Crisis averted. Quit saved. Every single one of them replied, some faster than others.

If I can offer one single piece of advice to new quitters it’s this: Reach out. Send your contact information to as many people as you can, both in your group as well as outside of it. PM me, I’ll give you mine. Don’t stop there though. That’s not good enough. Text them. Make it a point to call them at least a couple of times here and there. Meet them if you possibly can. Why? Because posting roll isn’t always enough. Because texting someone here and there isn’t always enough. If you can turn people into friends the same way that I have you simply CANNOT fail to QUIT. They won’t let you.

I posted this story into my intro a while back. I re-read it periodically because I think it demonstrates the difference between KTC and most other things I’ve tried in the past.

An addict fell in a hole and couldn’t get out. A businessman went by. The addict called out for help. The businessman threw him some money and told him to buy a ladder, but the addict could not find a ladder in this hole he was in. A doctor walked by. The addict said, “Help, I can’t get out.” The doctor gave him some drugs and said, “Take this, it will relieve the pain.” The addict said thanks, but when the pills ran out he was still in the hole. A renowned psychiatrist rode by and heard the addict’s cries for help. He stopped and said, “How did you get in there? Were you born there? Did your parents put you there? Tell me about yourself, it will alleviate your sense of loneliness.” So the addict talked with him for an hour, then the psychiatrist had to leave, but he said he’d be back next week. The addict thanked him, but was still in his hole. A priest came by and heard the addict calling for help. The priest gave him a Bible and said, “I’ll pray for you.” The priest got down on his knees and prayed for the addict, then left. The addict was very grateful and he read the whole Bible, but he was still stuck in that hole. A recovering addict happened to be passing by. The addict cried out, “Hey, help me, I’m stuck in this hole.” Right away, the recovering addict jumped in the hole with him. The addict said, “What are you doing? Now we’re both stuck here!” But the recovering addict said, “It’s okay. I’ve been here before. I know the way out.”
– Anonymous

I am a recovering addict. I will never be cured. 100 days is freaking awesome and I’m proud of it, but my journey isn’t over. I promise you this: If you drink the KTC Kool-Aid, if you do everything you can to listen and learn and turn these random internet strangers into your friends, you will not fail. You will Quit. You will be QUIT. If you don’t have enough people down in the hole with you, reach out to me. I’ll jump in. I know the way out, or at least the beginning of the path. We’ll figure out the rest together.

SRains918 (Steve)
Proud Member of the January ’18 F.U.R.Y.
106 Days Quit And Counting (As of writing this)

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member srains918