I’m Not An Addict!

Not An Addict

To be honest I never felt like an addict until right before I decided to quit, I probably denied it more than I’m proud to admit. Saying the stereotypical “I can stop whenever I want”. It’s still crazy to me how I got here, the mindset started last year when I told my boss I was giving up talking to one of our old co-workers for lent as a joke. His response…. “You’re an idiot. Give up something better. How about dip?”. He’s been up my ass for years to give it up, hell when I first met him I almost got him hooked but he pushed back.

Fast forward to this February, I went to Disney World with my extended family. Obviously I had to pack a tin a day, maybe one or two extra for the late nights right? Forget sunglasses! I’ll just buy deodorant down there. I need the room for more important things! Anyway, do you know how much a bottle of water costs in Disney? $4. I never would reuse a bottle either. So let’s think about that for a second; 9 day trip X 6 bottles a day X $4= $216 IN WATER BOTTLES half the time I wouldn’t even drink the water! Just dump it wherever I could. But it’s just money right?

I’m living large slamming down my $4 bottle of Dasani getting ready to watch one of my favorite shows The Hall of Presidents (God Bless America) throw in a big old lip and immediately start choking on the water/spit combo we all know too well. Dips probably flying out of my mouth as the show starts and my coughing doesn’t. I spit the dip into the bottle and accept my fate, no dip and no water to clear my throat. I make it! Run right to the closest food stand to get another bottle so I could get my fix. I push on, I’m not an addict! This happens all the time!

Bet you can’t guess what happens the next day?

Yup another $4 bottle of Dasani down my throat while I wait for another show. Another lip in. Another coughing fit. This time I see the glares. Not just from the strangers I’m walking in with but my family. That’s it. I couldn’t tell you anything about the show if you asked me that day. I was pissed. Not at anyone but myself. I WAS AN ADDICT. For the first time I knew it. I had to make a plan. I was down to a few days and tins for my trip. I knew it would have to start at home. I “destroy” my stash within a few days of my return in the exact way you would expect an addict to get rid of it. Having that last fix after lunch at work, my guilty pleasure. It was such a big part of my day I started to catch myself having lunch earlier and earlier just to have it.

The Quit

After I took that last dip out, the weight of the world immediately dropped on my shoulders. I sat and just stared for what felt like an hour. But I knew I could do it! I mean last year I gave up talking to one of my closest friends for 40 days just for the joke of it. My boss wants me to quit so I’ll have him to support me right? My family wants me to quit so that’s good. I mean I only forced my Mom to quit smoking (40 years) after she had to stay with me when she broke her knee in 2018. My thoughts turn. “I can’t tell anyone I’m doing this. If I fail I’ll never hear the end of it”. I don’t tell anyone for weeks. Everyone’s response is the same “thank god!” “I’m proud of you” “you got this”. WHY DID I EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE!

KTC was an interesting find. I started reading the “What to Expect When you Quit Dipping” page daily, Shit I still do. Every morning; Start with day 1, “what day am I on? Oh 6 okay what do I have today? All this still? Only 14 days until I move on to this… wow this goes up to 100? They have a discord? Fuck im not that bad right? I don’t need it“ 11 days later I’m reading the same page saying the same thing but a big change “Okay maybe I’ll join that discord and just see what it’s about”. That turned into “okay i’ll post to 100 and leave I don’t need this” to “Okay this is pretty entertaining. I don’t know why this Matt guy and Gpar are spitting at each other but I need to go back and read it all” That was my distraction reading you all fight over nothing!

Day 76…….. The day that changed my quit forever. “I always wonder what all the quiet members of May think”- Jim285Pro. I couldn’t resist. I had to let them know it was helping me get through the craves. After being harassed a bit by MattyB and Gpar oh and Harry coming in 20-30 minutes later…I said “Yeah I’ll stop in every now and again.” About 1100 messages later and here I am..

I guess it’s pretty obvious who I have to thank for making it 100 days. My August Ducks, very specifically JimTwat. You are my new distraction.