It’s About… ME!

Day 699

Tomorrow puts me at 700 days of being nicotine free.  Exactly one month from tomorrow makes two years.  Isn’t it funny what can happen and change in the course of two years.

I’ve watched a good number of quitters come and go – some vets, hundreds of “baby birds.”  Some say they just felt it was time to leave but planned on “staying quit” while others caved and succumbed to the nasty nic sea, sinking below its waves, never to be seen or heard from again.

I know that I have said many times how the best piece of advice I received when joining KTC was when Sensei and MikeA told me to make this quit “about me.”  Yup.  Nearly two years ago I took my last dip with the full intent of quitting for my wife, in order to save the marriage.  I listened to Sensei and MikeA when they told me to quit for me, but I didn’t HEAR them or yet understand what they were saying.  Luckily, I continued sticking with the site and continued actively posting and I received more and more insight from these amazing vets.  It became clear that if I quit for the wife, then what happened if she was no longer around?  What reason would I have to stay quit then?  They got it through my thick skull – and dip-fogged brain – that the quit HAD to be about ME.

Well, the wife is now the Ex-Wife.  Without going into painful detail, I can tell you that being divorced, only getting my 4 sons every other weekend and watching more than half of every paycheck go away, it might seem that there is not a lot to be happy about.  Despite all of this, there is one very big, very bright spot.  I made this quit about me.  I have maintained my integrity.  Although I did begin missing roll on occasion after day 200, I have kept my word to my brothers and, more importantly, to MYSELF, in remaining nicotine free.  I might not be able to control the amount of money I have to pay, or the amount of time I get to spend with my sons, but like making sure that the time I do have with my boys is quality time, I have COMPLETE control over whether or not I remain quit and NOBODY can take that from me – and I will never surrender that.

I’ve often said to new quitters that “QUIT is a verb, an action word.”  I tell them that being quit means being active in the quit.  Whenever I feel myself getting overwhelmed, I no longer think, “Man, I could use a dip.”  Instead, I think, “Man, I need to get back on KTC and get active and post.”  Is it because I am trying to curb cravings?  No.  It is because I have learned that being active in this site got me through the tough days of the Suck.  If it can get me through those times, it can help me get through all the tough times.  KTC is much more than a site for helping people defeat the nicotine addiction – it is a coping site that helps us learn new and better ways to deal with our issues.  For the site and all the members – both who have supported me, as well as those I have hopefully been able to support and help – I will always be grateful.

Tomorrow I hit 700 days.

Tomorrow is just as important as that first day I posted roll way back on March 2, 2010.

Today, January 24, 2012, I promise to each of you – Vet, newbie and everyone in between – that I will not use nicotine today and I will do whatever I can to support you in maintaining your quit.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member CoachDoc