Just Quit
Honestly 101 days ago I didn’t even know if it was possible to quit dipping, I had been telling myself a lie so long that my dipping wasn’t hurting anyone but me and I needed my dip to keep me in check in everyday life, you see I was what is refereed to as a “ninja dipper” on this site. I thought I was alone and no one else was like me in the fact that I was hiding my addiction from my family. About 4 years ago my wife discovered that I was still dipping, I had quit many times in my life, sometimes for over a year at a time but every time I tried it again I was right back into my habit. I really didn’t like being controlled by my addiction but up until this point I didn’t realize that I was an addict. I always had the desire to stop dipping but until I was able to accept the fact that I was a junkie, I was not really ready to kick my addiction.
I am not a “computer person” so if 101 days ago someone had told me that a group of people on line would help me make the best decision in my life, I would have thought they were crazy, but here I am believing in myself and my friends on this site. This website has been a wonderful tool in my quit, Imagine a group of people in this world that were going through the exact same thing I was, not judging me but supporting me, what a wonderful thing. Honestly you hear a lot about “you have to quit for yourself” on this site, which is partially true in my opinion, the main thing I think is that you have to want to quit, no matter what your reasons are you have to want it! I have wanted to quit for some time now, I just didn’t know exactly why or how to go about it. I quit for my family! Sure I wanted to quit because I knew I was a slave to my addiction and nothing good was coming from my being a junkie, but mainly I quit for my loving wife and my four beautiful daughters.
Honestly with my family in mind quitting hasn’t been that hard for me this time around, being ready to quit is the answer. The first two weeks were hell on me, going through the physical withdrawal of the nicotine. I seriously thought I had split personalty disorder the first two weeks because one part of my brain was always trying to justify why I shouldn’t quit with all the typical lies an addict tells themselves, but luckily my sane half was always there to remind myself that I really wanted to not be a slave to addiction any more. Another thing that really affected my quit was I read the Jenny Kern letter and the Tom Kern story almost daily for the first two weeks to remind me that “it doesn’t matter what your chances of getting cancer are if you are the one that gets it” what a shocking thought! Really think about that statement for a minute then ask yourself if it is worth the risk. I have never thought of myself as much of a gambler, yet I chose to gamble with my life everyday for much of my life. You have to make a decision to just quit to better your life. There are so many thoughtful and moving articles on this site, my advise is read everything you can and revisit the ones often that have the most impact to you.
Just quit, sounds simple enough huh? If you put your mind to it and trust in yourself it is simple, sure you are going to have some rough patches but there are rough patches in everyday life regardless if you are an addict or not. One major obstacle I overcame after my first two weeks was realizing that every time I had a bad day it wasn’t necessarily “dip” related, you need to realize that sometimes you are going to just have a bad day, don’t always be so quick to attribute your not having your crutch any more to everything that presents it’s self as an obstacle to you. I know as addicts we have learned to believe that dip made everything bearable but that simply is not true, dip made us numb to the world. And that my friend is no way to live!
Now for my thanks
Most of all I want to thank my wonderful wife Jen, I am sorry for those first two weeks!
Timonesock, Bryan, Porter, YooperZ, Sheriff, Larry, Lonewolf, Snuggles, Copehater, DNM, Offshore Mike, FP, Beavman, SB, Killer, 7iron, Hagen Junkie, Flav, All my MAYniacs and everyone else who helped me along the way thank you very much for being there, I have met some of the best friends I have ever known here.
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member truok
Alex, I am going to let the elder brothers answer your questions with a little more finesse, but in the mean time, I would like to share my experience because I think you are searching answers from different angles.
My fiancee was opposed to me using tobacco and constantly engaged me with criticism and belligerence as is expected when they see clearly the point and you don’t see it, then nothing can show you otherwise.
Anyway, decisions were made and I lost my relationship. Now the decision wasn’t entirely based on tobacco habit, but it was included in the package.
You see, we all (addicts) deny the fact there is a problem, we feel invincible and when we are confronted with it of course you are going to defend yourself and create excuses, you will say anything to win the argument just so people can leave you alone.
Now with my new wonderful relationship, i tried keeping it from her in the beginning, but she found out, she was hurt of course, but she approached it like this, she said “if this is your thing, then go ahead, I will not stop you, just do not lie to me” that stunned me to my foundations, because she left it up to me.
I am rambling too much here, so let me wrap it up . I am going to agree with Jeff as to the fact that he is going to want to do it for himself, just like I did, just like thousands of other people here are doing it, in my case I was given free rein to continue with my habit, but at some point I quit on my own.
I think you have done your job by warning him, argued about it, presented economic and health reasons to start the quit, that’s all you can do, the rest is going to be up to him.
You and all the readers of this forum have to understand one thing. Nicotine cessation is one of the hardest drugs to quit completely, once you are an addict, you will never be safe from it, but just because it is hard to do, that is not a reason not to do it, the hardest part is to start, fail or not it doesn’t matter, you try again, until you do it for yourself, that is half of the battle.
Now Alex, I am not saying that this works every time, I am merely expressing my experience as I stated in the beginning, I hope you get plenty of information and make the right decisions.
Guys, I need some advice! My husband and I have known each other for 3 years and I didn’t realize what a big problem his dipping was until a few months ago. I had never known anyone who dipped. I really didn’t understand what an addiction it was until I started reading stories here…and I see my husband in every single post. I was vaguely aware that he dipped, but he rarely did it around me…always smelled and tasted like Listerine in those early days! I have had very difficult, honest conversations with him about the need to quit…how I am terrified he’ll get cancer, how unattractive it is, how it costs so much. His responses are mostly flippant…we all die someday, I shouldn’t worry, my finances will be taken care of by life insurance, that I make him feel like he’s doing crack. He has said he will quit a hundred times…he does for a few days, maybe a week or two, then I find it floating in the toilet, or brown spit unrinsed in the sink, and I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. If I show any sort of emotional reaction, which is usually being withdrawn, sad, and tired, he becomes so angry…that because I have never dipped I could never understand, that he is different from all of you guys here, that I make him feel crazy about it and if it’s making me so miserable, he should just get out of my life. I don’t know what to do, where to turn, what to say. I can’t believe sometimes that he tries to make me feel that there is something wrong with me because I want him to quit, that I want him to conquer this, that I want him around for a very long time. Please give me advice on how to help him, how to handle this…what did your wives do and say that helped? Wives and girlfriends out there…how do you deal!?
I wanted to quit. Most of the people here on the site want to quit. I was like your husband in the past. Sorry.. That’s my opinion. But until he really wants to quit. It will not happen.
The nic bitch is so strong, it’s very hard to quit .
My wife never bothered me when I chewed, she would even stop and buy it for me, when I quit she was very happy.
I hope you understand, he will want to quit. Not you
Jeff