Lessons Learned – Even 14 years of Quit Wasn’t Enough

The first time I tried dip was when I was about 13 years old. My 15 year old brother started and I wanted to do everything he did, so I made myself get used to the sick feeling I got the first several times I tried it. In no time I was buying my own Copenhagen (you didn’t need to be 18 to buy snuff back then). I kept it up until I was a junior in college. One day I just decided to quit and that was that (it was sometime around 1994). Hardly any withdrawal symptoms, no need for fake dip, no need for support. I never really thought about it. I would try one every few years if a buddy had some. It made me dizzy and I usually spit it out pretty quick.

Then in 2008 I started a new job. The first few months I was there someone offered me a dip, and I took it. I thought it would be like always, just this one and I wouldn’t crave it any longer. But it was too accessible. I’d ask my coworker for a dip and he was always happy to oblige. Before too long I was buying my own dip. I honestly couldn’t believe it myself. I kept thinking this would be temporary and I could quit whenever I wanted. That was the “lie”. Nic kept whispering in my ear to buy just one more can. After about 6 months, I knew I was a dipper once again. I WAS QUIT FOR 14 YEARS!!! I felt stupid and ashamed that I could go back to something that is bad for me and that I spent money on for no reason other than the addiction. I had to explain to my 10 year old daughter that I was caught up in a cycle of addiction. That there would be spit bottles around so please don’t be grossed out. It’s a humbling experience as a parent to tell your kids you’re addicted to something and just can’t stop. By then I had resigned myself to be a dipper the rest of my life.

Finally one night a Chantix commercial made me think that maybe I could quit. So I hit the interwebs to do a little research and ended up on KTC. About a month later I quit, and it was rough…still is.

I crave at least once a day. I hear whispers of how dip could relieve the stresses I have in my life. But I post EDD! I’ll probably continue to post for awhile…maybe forever. Because I know that the accountability is the only way I’ll stay quit.

I want to thank all my Phalanx brothers for their help and support. I may not have been very active in the group, but I want you all to know that your willingness to quit with me kept me going day in and day out. I also want to thank my wife for encouraging me when I needed it the most. Above all, I want to sing praises to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I can do nothing without Him.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member matty34