Life In Prison Sucks – My HOF Speech
I’m actually 20 days past my HOF day at this point, and I’ve procrastinated writing this because these HOF speeches were pretty inspiring to me when I first joined the site. So if you are new to this site and trying to read about what it would be like to be 100 days nicotine free, here is my story, and I hope you find it as impact-full as I found others to be for me.
For me, everything about my addiction was a prison. If you are reading this right now as someone who was/is addicted to nicotine, you know this prison very well. I was in this prison for almost 20 years. This simple substance that I was addicted to drove every decision I made throughout almost every day during this time. My addiction made me leave friends and family to get a fix of nicotine, ruined multiple relationships because I was always experiencing some sort of mood swing, burned thousands of dollars I could have used elsewhere, absolutely destroyed my mouth, and worst of all, controlled me entirely as a human being.
If you are an addict who has tried to quit many many times, you know that there is a defining moment every day that you can look yourself in the mirror and say, “I’m not going to use today”, but deep down, facing this alone, you know that you will always fail. You will always choose to screw your promise to yourself and go to the store to buy a tin when things go bad, and there is no one but yourself to hold you accountable. Repeat this process over and over and over again to accumulate hundreds of failures at quitting and you will find yourself where I was.
The problem was that I had finally realized that I was too weak to get out of my own prison alone. This began with a devastating realization that this was not just a habit, but an actual addiction that controlled me in every way. This was a tough pill to swallow, but ultimately was the best thing that could have happened to me.
I visited KTC with no expectations but only the knowledge that I will never be able to do this (as in quit) on my own. What I found here was the key to getting out of my the terrible prison I had been in for so many years… that key being accountability.
You know that if you are only answering to yourself, you will fail as you are an addict and as an addict you will find an excuse to make an exception every single day to your promise. At KTC, you form relationships, you make friends, you bond with others that are facing the same hardships and share the same stories of addiction. You begin to realize that focusing one day at a time for yourself, and for your brothers and sisters on KTC, you can change your life. I know now that this single concept of making my promise and sticking to it, feeling obligated to uphold my promise for my brothers and sisters, and relying on others in times of need, is KTC at its core, and is exactly why I am still quit one day at a time as I write this.
At 100 days, I have much to be thankful for… a mouth that doesn’t taste like shit every waking moment, better health in so many ways, more time on my hands, less guilt, more money, better relationships, and on and on and on.
But, for me, the fact that I can go about my day without the confines of addiction, is something that i think about every time I open my eyes in the morning. This, is freedom from prison, and every day I fight to stay away from going back as a door will always be open for me to return. I hope that if you read this at day 1, day 5, day 20…. you know that after 100 days your life will already be improved in so many incredibly ways, but you will always need to make a promise each and every day as your addiction will never leave your side. 100 days is will be no different than 200, 300, 1000, …. It only starts with believing that this place can save you, and making a promise every damn day.
“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”
– Theodore Roosevelt
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member jwright
