Looking Forward – My Foundation
Hall of Fame. Sounds nice. It was a goal from day one to make it to the hall. To have something to reach for and make the daily struggles worthwhile. I wanted to celebrate like everyone I saw going in before me. Now that I am here I have realized one thing, 100 days does not make a quit but a foundation to build a new life.
I can say I have learned so much more about whom I am and who I was before the last 100 days. First, I am an addict. I believe this was the most profound nugget of knowledge I gained and I found it on day three in the midst of a cold sweat, sleepless night. It is what has kept me going all this time. If I did not realize I was an addict and this drug had its hold on me, I would have caved too many times to count. I have always said that I was going to quit one day, just never gave it a thought. Understanding my addiction and accepting who I am, was the first shovel in the dirt to laying my foundation. It is a shame that society does not view me in the same way as a heroin or cocaine addict because I am.
I let a drug take me away from friends and family. I let a drug tell me that it is OK to lie to the ones I love for a few minutes of shit in my lip because it was going to make me feel better. I let a drug convince me that the only way to be happy was to know I had a spare tin waiting for me if I needed it. What a bunch of crap. I finally got sick of it. I was sick of being a slave to a can, slave to spitting everywhere, a slave to an addiction. I found this site.
The second thing I learned is I am not alone. As an addict I felt that I was the only person going through this and no one would understand. Not my wife, family or friends, even those who dip. How could someone know what it is like to plan a trip to the gas station so I can have an extra tin? Who would know what it is like to run out for something at 10 pm because you forgot to get a tin on the way home from work and couldn’t wait till morning? Who would understand the skill it takes to spit between your legs when taking a dump? Or what is like to fear brushing your teeth because your gums bleed every time?
Everyone at this site has made my quit possible, knowing I was not building my foundation alone was great. It is said all the time, the support here is what keeps us on our path. The stories, situations, and thoughts everyone has shared are something I have always figured I was the only one. It makes me laugh when I read things and I thought I was the only one who did that.
The foundation I have built is the key in my own quest to life a life free of an addiction. I enjoy math and like to put things into perspective, I have been an addict for 6,475 days. I have been clean for 1.54% of that time. I will have to face this addiction every day for the next 6,375 days until I will feel that I am now truly living my life without the grips of addiction. Can you imagine it will take me to the 63rd floor before I can see what is above the fog in my life? This is my one goal. One day at a time.
The HOF is a time to celebrate the first milestone on our journey to a clean life. It is a time to reflect on who we are and where we have been and to look forward to the next milestone, the second floor.
I have to thank all those who reached out to me from day one: show, thesavage, neveragain10, NOLAQ, TCOPE, LOOT. I have all your emails still and read them to remind me of my quit. To all those who have commented on my posts when I was struggling early in my quit, your comments got me through the funk.
And to all the Proud November Shitbag Ninja Quitters, we are the badest quitters hands down. Stay clean, stay quit!!! :ph43r:
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Fort
