Moving Forward
Wow…….if you would’ve asked me a year ago, five years ago or even ten years ago if I’d ever be over 100 days into a quit, I would’ve told you to go fly a kite. I was hooked from the moment I first laid my lips on the stuff at the prime age of 15. I was a big man; throwing snuff in my mouth and making the girls think I was cool. If only my young, naive self could only see and know what I see and know now, I wouldn’t have ruined my body as much as I have by now at the age of 35.
I often think about the near 20 years I dipped and all of the foolish money I spent on the crap. $20k? $25k $30k? Somewhere in that range. Man, what I could do with having all of that back now. And I often think about what negative effects I’ve imposed on my body and my health. Did I quit too late? Why did I put that poison in my body every waking moment of every freaking day? I think about the moments I’ve missed because I was prolonging my drive to my destination just to suck every last bit of juice out of that dip. I’m sure there were many and all of them just due to my selfishness.
It’s very easy to look back and get pissed at the addict that I was for that many years. But I won’t let that be me anymore. What’s done is done and what’s important is what is ahead. I’ve learned that I don’t need a lipper to get myself through a hectic workday, through a day on the ice, through a day in the treestand or through an argument with my wife. Heck, last night I came home from work with our daughter to find out our 12 year old lab had crapped all over her bedroom carpeting. Nasty diarrhea too! We went to the store to get rubber gloves and cleaning supplies and hell, it was even easy to clean up that mess without a cat turd in my lip.
I can’t begin to thank the brotherhood of Kill the Can enough. I know I haven’t been a very active member during my first 100 days but I plan to be here posting roll for as long as these boards exist. I know I wouldn’t have been able to do it without the accountability provided here. I can’t wait to continue posting that promise every day to keep nic free and hopefully helping others from what I have learned, because that is what this is all about.
Looking ahead, I can’t wait to journey through the rest of life nic free. I can’t wait to watch my daughter grow and she doesn’t have to see her dad carry around an empty water bottle filled with brown spit. I can’t wait each day for my wife to be excited to kiss me when she gets home because I don’t have a big dip in my mouth. Those are the little things that matter, not putting fucking poison in your lip!
Finally, I thought I would just share this as it was something I promised to myself if I made it this far to 100 days. I am taking the money that I was spending on chew on a monthly basis and putting that towards a new boat here in the near future. We are currently shopping around right now. I know that each day we are on the water in that boat will be a great reminder that quitting the shit was 100% worth it! Take care all and I can’t wait to continue quitting with you bitches EDD!
brunwardo
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member brunwardo
