My Daughter – She Saved My Life
Let me begin by telling you a little about myself. I am 35 and I have been chewing since I was 15 years old. It all started with good old fashion peer pressure while playing high school football. I am currently the grounds supervisor of a small liberal arts college in Maine. I have worked as a groundskeeper pretty much all of my life. As most of you could imagine, in this field there is always time to pack in a dip. I really used to love dipping. My wife would ask me “so, when are you going to quit?” I would always blow her off give some non committal answer and rapidly attempt to change the subject. After all, I loved dipping. It made life as I knew it better, work more bearable, hunting and fishing more enjoyable.
About 3.5 years ago something happened to me. I became a father. This was by far the most life altering thing that had ever happened to me. I used to be a selfish the world revolves around me type of person. After my daughter was born, I changed. I became a selfish the world revolves around my daughter kind of person. That little darling has me wrapped right around her little finger. She is a daddy’s girl, and not a minute goes by that I don’t thank god for her. After she was born, I would think to myself, OK, it is time to man up and quit dipping. That is all it was, just thinking to myself, there was nothing there for me to pull the trigger, just thoughts. My wife would catch me with a ninja dip in after reading my daughter a bed time story and she would ream me out. I would think to myself, give it a rest, stop nagging me, I will quit soon. Then, one day, early this summer, I was reading my daughter a bedtime story. Elise asked me something that made my stomach sink, “Daddy, what is that in your mouth?” I can here her voice in my head like she is in the room with me today. I froze, what do I say, then I blurted out a lie that will stick with me for the rest of my life, “It is just some beef jerkey, now let’s finish this book”. That was it, my trigger. How could a father who loves his daughter more than life itself look her straight into the eye and lie? The answer is simple, addiction. I have been denying it to myself for way to long. It was time to BeAMan and quit.
So I made an appointment with my doctor the very next day. The Doctor saw me the day after that. He prescribed me Chantix which I began taking the following Sunday, 1 week later my quit began. I ordered some Oregon mint chew to help me with the oral fixation, I told my family, friends and co-workers that I had quit. After all they would help keep me accountable. Then one day at work I was in a terrible fog just surfing the internet. I found KTC. I signed into the chat room and met Theo. He was the first person to greet me on KTC. His advice was sound and he got me started on the road of accountability to myself as well as my group of quitters. That’s right my Octoquitters.
Now here I am, 100 days quit. The thought of dipping now makes me sick. I now realize that dip didn’t make life better, it made it more difficult, it made work more full of anxiety because of fear getting caught, and hunting and fishing are now more enjoyable because my mind is clear and the deer will not be able to smell the grizzly on me. I went bear hunting in early September and let me tell you that sitting in a tree stand alone with my thoughts was a beautiful experience to have dip free.
In the end, it was I who finally made the choice to quit and stick with it. All of the people here on KTC are the ones who supported that decision and helped me keep my plan in place. Listen and pay very close attention to what they say. These people genuinely care and have all been in your shoes. To my fellow Octoquitters I want to thank you for your advice along this road, I can only hope that I was helpful to some of you. I look forward to being an octoquitter for life.
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member BeAMan
