My Quit Is a Paradox

It sounded like such a dumb idea in the beginning: hinge my quit around a daily promise to a bunch of strangers on a website. How the fuck is that going to work? It’s magic, is what it is.

There is some kind of mystic voodoo alchemy at play here, changing the base material of cussing, drama, and pictures of tits, into the gold-covered steel alloy of kick ass quitdom. This site, and my daily promise, gives My Quit strength. For example:

• They were going to have the Avengers fight My Quit in the movie, until they realized that My Quit would kick their asses.
• My Quit has a dick so big, there’s snow on top of it.
• Jack Bauer shot My Quit. Jack Bauer quickly apologized. My Quit didn’t know what he was talking about.
• My Quit has a business card. The card is blank because My Quit needs no introduction.
• My Quit just received an Honorary Doctorate from U.C. Berkeley. It is now Dr. My Quit.
• My Quit went back in time and killed Hitler in his crib.

At the same time, though, I can see how fragile My Quit is. I have been dip-free for the last 100 days. Whoop-de-shit. I was full of nic for, like, the 7,100 days before that. Maybe I’ll start bragging when my quit-to-dip ratio is better.

It’s my bastard addict’s brain that is the problem. I’ve quit before, and I probably even got to around 100 days once or twice before, but then I caved. All because I got comfortable, and fooled myself into thinking I could just dip a little bit. Dumb ass. So what’s different now? KTC, that’s what’s different. There is never any getting comfortable on KTC, because those blood-thirsty savages will leap on you if you show the slightest sign of weakness. As they should. Plus, participating in KTC is an exercise in honor. If you make a daily promise not to dip, you can either: 1) do the honorable thing and keep your promise, or 2) you can break that promise and bring dishonor to yourself and family name. Your children will shun you, your wife will weep, and the ghosts of your ancestors will drive you into madness. And you’ll deserve it, you spelunking prick.

Mentally surpassing the apparent barrier of internet anonymity, in order to coalesce into an intimate band of quit brothers, each answerable to the other, is what makes KTC work. I’m looking forward to my next 100 days.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member murphy81101