Ninja Addict – Nicotine’s Grasp

My aunt passed away last year. She had a very, very rare disease. One of the rare 13…
I can’t remember the name… but that’s not my point.

Her last 2 months, she was in the hospital. Her body was shutting down. The blood transfusions and bone marrow transplants didn’t take.

I was a ninja dipper at the time. I only chewed at work, or to put it another way, I didn’t chew around my wife. So if she left for the store, I’d purposely stay home to chew…

My aunt, was being kept alive by machines. My side of the family, all went to the hospital to see her and pay our last respects. her family was there too… her sisters, Mom, kids, husband, etc.

So I went, but my wife stayed home with our daughter. To get into my Aunts room, you had to be buzzed on to the Oncology department, then, wash your hands, put on a gown or mock, then go into her room.

I was scared to be honest. It’s a good thing my Mom is a very strong person. I basically just stood as close to her as I could.

I found out a few things that night.

1 – We washed our hands and wore the gown so as the rest of the floor wouldn’t catch something we brought in. Why? Their immune system has been decimated and they are prone to attack by the slightest disease.

2 – I didn’t know what oncology meant. I found out while there, it meant Cancer. As in, I was sitting in the Cancer ward of the hospital.

They planned to, and pulled the “plug” while we were all there. It was time.
I won’t go into detail about it.

I did something that night, that I am so disgusted by that this is literally the first time I’ve ever told someone / anyone. Even my wife!

I shit you not, I chewed while I was there. In my aunts room. I ninja dipped and spit in a soda can. And then, I F-ing left my spitter in her room.

We had to step out so as the nurses could pull the plug. But we never went back in, it was just her family (my uncle, cousins etc). So i could never go back and get my spitter.

I chewed in the oncology department. I left a spitter of chew in the room.

I am embarrassed that nicotine had such a grasp on me that I chewed IN the oncology ward. But that was my choice… so I can’t blame nic for everything.

Please forgive me Aunt Patti. I am clean now. 196 days. Almost 6 months. The longest I’ve ever gone. I’m sorry I disrespected you and all the other people who were/are battling for their lives. At that time, I took mine for granted. I will never chew again. I am a better person because of you Patti.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member JpCrew