No Asterisks In This Hall of Fame!

Famed Quitter and newly inducted Hall of Famer, I’m Done, recently sat down with a very famous and very hot sport’s Reporter, whose name rhymes with Flarin Flamdrews, for a highly exclusive interview discussing his former life in the dip game, his success after completely switching leagues to play for the clean team, and the widespread allegations that his success stems from the use of a performance enhancing substance.

Reporter: First off, thank you for taking time out of your extremely important and very hectic schedule to allow millions of your fans an in-depth look at your career.

I’m Done: You’re Welcome.

Reporter: I want to start by asking what it was like to finally make the decision to leave the dip game?

I’m Done: I get that question alot lately, mostly from my friends still playing the dip game. The lifestyle seems glamorous and all fun and games from a rookie standpoint, but you reach a plateau where the game actually owns you. You are no longer in control of your life and it only gets worse. It keeps taking and taking from you until you become a slave, your happiness now depends on the fact thay you have to keep playing or you fall apart. It’s a sick relationship that eventually no player can handle, I’ve had friends die because they couldn’t stop playing. So the choice came down to doing what was best for my own career and the overall happiness of my family. When it’s boiled down to this perspective, it’s alot easier to walk away.

Reporter: What was the initial transition process like having to leave behind everything you were accustomed to for 8 years and start a completely new career?

I’m Done: The transition process is like waking up every morning the first few months and getting kicked in the nuts. It’s literally terrible and I think that’s why some players get scared, they know the kicks coming so instead of fighting through it, they strap on a cup for protection, but in reality they’ve only suited up for the dip game again. It was at this point in my career that a trainer friend by the name of Google, put me in touch with the substance that helped me fight through the pain of seperation from the dip game.

Reporter: So it is true, you are admitting to using a performance enhancing substance for your success?

I’m Done: Hell yeah it’s true! I am in awe of anyone who can compete without it. For me, I need the daily fix I get online to fight through the kicks to my nuts.

Reporter: So what is the name of this miracle substance?

I’m Done: It’s called QSXtreme and it’s the reason I’ve been so successful recently in the clean game, I’m a damn Hall of Famer now.

Reporter: What’s different about this performance enhancer compared with all the others you’ve been accused of taking?

I’m Done: Oh I took all those, but what seperates QSXtreme is the accountability offered. It’s hard to find a substance that is really tailored to your needs, that’s where this is different, over time you build a bond (like Barry), that actually makes the clean game easier to play on a daily basis.

Reporter: Wow, not only are you extremely good looking, but it seems your career is headed in the right direction.

I’m Done: Yeah, I’ve noticed you’ve been squinting this whole time, you probably should wear sunglasses around me because my teeth are so spectacularly white now, girls just fall all over me lately. But seriously, as long as I keep taking QSXtreme, I think I have a long future ahead of me in the clean game.

Seriously, I know I was a late addition to my group, but thanks for the support and to the founders of this site, you are making my quit easier everyday.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member I’m Done