Not Right Now

I thought it more appropriate to post my HOF speech on my 100th true day on the site and posting roll. I’m not sure if some people are thinking this will be some monumental, moving speech or just a bunch of rambling…probably more of the latter. But I am going to challenge the very foundation of this site and its principles before this is done…

Do I feel like I’ve accomplished something? ABSOLUTELY. Do I have a LONG way to go? ABSOLUTELY.

The HOF date is not some magical finish line. If it was, we would never have a HOFer leave and return later to post a Day 1. The foundation of this site is to post early, make a promise not to use for the whole day, and repeat the process tomorrow. Don’t worry about tomorrow, just today. I say the hell with that principle. Instead always, repeat, always, say “not right now”.

When you quit, or if you’re a current user without a dip in, the act of dipping always takes planning, and always happens in the future. It’s the whole stimulus/response thing. The urge comes, you go into your pocket, open can, insert in mouth, etc. The urge was the present, the dip took place in the future. Planning and forethought came along to make it happen. For a caver, there’s a lot more work involved. They must actively go buy a can or ask another for their can.

It’s very easy at 7pm to succumb to the urge even though you made a promise at 7am. I have seen people do it. They get lambasted and come back to post a Day 1. Some don’t come back at all.

Here is my principle: say “not right now”. In the present. No future commitment. Say it to yourself when the strongest urge hits. Say it when you think about dipping. Say it when your old dipping habits come out of nowhere. Say it when you’re feeling great. Say it when you’re feeling down. Say it when you’re angry. Say it when you’re sweating, when you have a headache, when you’re fatigued, when you can’t sleep, when you’re drinking, whenever. Just say it.

I want to point out two key days in my quit:

Day 3 – I was on the site but not signed up and posting roll. I was in chat acting like a douchebag who didn’t want to become a part of the community here. I went home for lunch that day. I was feeling terrible. The fog and suck were so bad I thought I couldn’t stand it. So I went to one of my usual hiding places. Nothing there. I think this is when the “not right now” came into mind. I still think about what might have happened if I did find a dip can there. I will think about Day 3 for the rest of my life.

Day 98 – We just lost a softball game and I was walking back to my car. We had a double header that night and I was wanting something to eat in between games. The strongest urge came over me. Just as strong as anything in the first week. I couldn’t believe it. Here I was on the doorstep of the HOF and this happens?? Not only the urge but the first week suck feeling came back with it. I had to do something. So I went and bought a can……of Smokey Mountain Arctic Mint. I threw three fingers worth in and spit in an old Gatorade bottle for a while. Exactly 15 minutes later the urge was gone. In the last 107 days when the strongest urge has hit, I’ve used SM as a tool to get through. Here are two things I know, one is that anything that keeps the dip out is good. Two is the urge will pass whether or not I can get my hands on some SM. Almost 10 days later that can of SM is still around, half full.

I want to thank some key people before signing off.

Tarpon17. The first person I met on the site in chat. He’s an easy target in chat because he’s so easy going. But he’s an awesome guy. If you have honesty, integrity and trustworthiness in an online environment, then in real life you’re 10 times better. Thanks tarp.

Sioux. My North Dakota friend has ESP or something. Every time I was struggling it seemed a message from Sioux popped up. His words of wisdom are strong. Whenever he talks, stop and listen. Thank you my friend.

Radtech04. The laughs from chat are too many to count. If you ever need encouragement he will provide it.

Jost2brown, magnum, 30. You guys made our May group strong, super strong. Thank you for your time and commitment.

Bradleyguy, wvsuper, copehater, scowick – big fun roasting each other in chat. Whenever I needed to talk stuff out in chat you all were there.

Skoal Monster, TCOPE, redtrain – major league vets with awesome words. Again, stop and listen.

Last but not least…klark. Love him or hate him, he was a big part of my quit. He will brow beat you to death. But his main goal is to keep everyone he comes across nicotine free.

My body says I want to dip…even after 100 days. My resolve says “not right now”.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member ODAAT