Not Today – Not Tomorrow Either

You could say I had nicotine in my system from the womb. My mother was a heavy smoker and did not stop during her pregnancy. I can remember as young as age four, being in the car with the smoke hovering in the air. Multiple people smoked in our home and the dangers of second hand smoke were not an issue. I had my first taste of Kodiak at age 10 when I took a pinch from my older brothers can. I would sneak dips from him until he started smoking full time. I started dipping on and off in high school with Hawken or Kodiak. By the time I was 18 I had switched to Cope and was now a can a day user.

cope [kohp] verb, coped, cop·ing.
verb (used without object)

1. to struggle or deal, especially on fairly even terms or with some degree of success (usually followed by with  ): I will try to cope with his rudeness.
2. to face and deal with responsibilities, problems, or difficulties, especially successfully or in a calm or adequate manner

I thought these definitions described my favorite snuff.

100 days ago, I was sitting here at my computer staring at my can of Copenhagen. Most of my friends & family didn’t realize that I even dipped. I was known as Ninja dipper. While my wife knew, I attempted to hide it from everyone else. I had just googled “quit dipping” and found KTC. I was going through yet another round of “man, I really need to quit. This time, after looking at the pictures and reading the stories, the urgency hit me. I really felt as though I were at a crossroads in my life.

I’d wanted to quit for years. I had tried quitting dozens of times. I said I will quit when I get married, quit when my son is born, quit when…. I knew the consequences to my health, but I simply couldn’t imagine giving up something that I enjoyed so much, something that was so ingrained into every part of my life. Dipping was as natural and routine to me as anything. My daily routines revolved around dipping: driving to various job sites, cutting the grass, tinkering in the garage. I was even staying up late at night because I loved Copenhagen (feeding my nic addiction) more than sleep. She was my companion. At the time, I honestly could not imagine life without it. How could I possibly function? Would life even be enjoyable without it? How could I drive without a dip? How could I enjoy my coffee in the morning without also having a dip? Would my mower even start if I didn’t first pack a can? Do I even want a life without dip?

I didn’t have any idea what I was getting into 100 days ago. I didn’t know on that October 30th 2012, at around noon that I’d just had my last dip. I simply took a leap of faith and made the decision. After 19 years of being a slave to nicotine, I quit. No drugs, patches, gum, etc — over and done. I logged in, found my quit group, and posted day one. It didn’t take long for the words of support and encouragement to come rolling in from complete strangers. Thank you to so many men when I needed them most.

Those that supported me early on such as — Sethj13, Sporticus, 05wrxing, Diesel2112. Those that sent me emails with contact info — Keddy, Copingwithoutcopenhagen, Bruce, Memphisdave. I know there are others who I failed to mention.

I wrote an introduction. I remember being afraid of what the coming hours and days held in store as the withdrawal would set in. Would I be strong enough to withstand it? I was sure of my decision to quit. However, there’d be some obstacles down the road, particularly during the first weeks. They came full force – the fog, the irritability, the insomnia, depression, weight gain, etc. With every potential detour there was a veteran posting in words of wisdom, or 100 day quitters posting a HOF speech. My quit was accomplished by logging in every day and simply stating that I would not use nicotine for the next 24 hours.

The reality is that nicotine did not make my life better. She was not enjoyable and I really did not enjoy her. She did not comfort me, relax me or console me. I was (and still am) an addict. The only thing nicotine did was continue to fuel my addiction. She was not a companion, but a slave owner. Stealing time and money away from my family.

cope1 [kohp] AKA Snuff laced with Nicotine
Noun (used without object)

1. Contains a substance called Nicotine. This drug is a colorless, odorless, organic-based alkaloid in the same family as cocaine, morphine, quinine and strychnine. It is a super toxin, fetal teratogen and natural insecticide that was sold in the U.S. as Black Leaf 40. The lethal dose needed to kill a 160 pound human is 2-3 drops or about 60mg. Drop for drop it is more deadly than strychnine (75mg), diamond back rattlesnake venom (100mg), arsenic (200mg) or cyanide (500mg).”

Well not today. Today is my 100. Not tomorrow, I will post a 101

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member jbuilder7916