OBXchief HOF 08AUG12 – Put On the Big Boy Pants

Having grown up on horse and cattle farms and ranches throughout Texas and North Carolina and back, it’s no wonder that I started dipping at an early age of ten. Looking back now, it was the stupidity of the times, but my parents were happy I wasn’t smoking. I hung around the bigger boys at the stock yards and local Rodeo arena. They all dipped Copenhagen, and at the ripe age of ten, I wanted to be cool like them. The first dozen times I turned plaid, and watched my toe nails pass through my mouth. At this time I was also working at the local hay farm pulling the bales from the fields for a penny a bale each time you touched one. The average was between six and eight hundred a day. Good money in the late 70’s. Anyway, the field hands didn’t dip; they liked chewing tobacco, mainly Levi, or Beechnut. I found that when in the field working, Levi didn’t make last week’s lunch come up. I was still determined to dip this Copenhagen stuff like all the other guys I hung out with.

When the sixth grade started, football took the place of working in the fields and hanging at the stock yards. One of the coaches I had that year got me hooked on taking a large leaf of chewing tobacco, put two pinches of Copenhagen in, role it up, and stick it in between your cheek and gum (should have stuck it up my ass). Anyway, that really began my love/hate relationship with Copenhagen. In a matter of three months, I became a three to five can a week user. By the time I was nineteen in 1987, I was a can or two a day. This is the same time that I joined the Navy. Great fucking idea that was, first thing they do, send you ass packing to Great Lakes, IL in March. I learned real quick how to shovel snow. God I missed cleaning the shit out of the barn. Boot camp is the first time in nine years that I had someone tell me I cannot use Copenhagen. Of course I found a way; it is called smaller dips, and no spitting. That was a brilliant idea. Now I can dip where ever, and whenever. It didn’t matter if I was stationed on a Battleship, going to BUDs, or stationed where ever I was told. Through my 21 year career, Copenhagen was there. It was there when I broke my back, blew out my knee, tore both shoulders, and suffered eight concussions in six years. Copenhagen was there when I got married (not once, but twice). It was there for both of my kid’s births, and three of four grandkids. Copenhagen was there by my side in Iraq, Kuwait, Afghanistan, Somalia, and many more ass holes of the world.
Copenhagen followed me into the military, and it followed me out. I have tried many times to quit for every reason except the one that counts, ME. I would try for the wife, the kids, my mother, but it would never last, and I would be hell to get along with. “I resented everyone for making me do this”, that was my mind set, I felt like shit every day. Wound up only quitting when I was home, as soon as I got to work, I would throw a dip in so fast and act like it was the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Now I’m four years removed from my active duty military career, but still working for the DoD as a contractor for Raytheon. I had a bout with pneumonia that caused bronchitis, which scared my lungs and has caused intermittent asthma. This happened in early April, which caused me to look at my life and what I can do to better it. I found KTC on 01 May, about three hours after I said enough is enough, I’m quitting for me. In the past 100 days, I have had more good days then bad. I have not had the dip dreams, but I do find that when someone thumps a can, I reach for it without thinking. I have also found that the smell makes me want to puke, along with giving me a bad case of heart burn. I have however put on twenty pounds, which I am fighting to lose a few, now down from 230 to 220, would love to be back at 200. We’ll have to see about that one.

All in all, this has been smoother than I thought it would have been. I quit for me and only me, and no matter what anyone says, I treat each day as day one. In my mind that is what it takes. I must have that mental feeling I had on day one. I am addicted to Nic, and I will be the rest of my days. Speaking only for myself, I had the most strength and motivation on day one, so, I use that each and every day. We are all different and each one needs to find that kick to get us through. KTC is great when you can use it, but many of us are not stupid wealthy, so we must go to work. The fight is 24/7/365 for the rest of my life, many people will come and go, and the only constant in my life is ME, the idiot looking at ME in the mirror every morning. I am responsible for ME, and to ME.

For all those past, present, and future; Your quit is just that, YOUR QUIT. Everyone in your life and here on KTC are there if you need help, and when you ask for help. No one knows what you are feeling/experiencing except you. We all know it sucks, but it sucks differently for all. So put on the Big Boy pants, pull up the boots, and get on with your QUIT. If I can do it after 35 years anyone can do it.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member OBXchief