One Man’s Journey

I quit Copenhagen on 07/25/2010. About three weeks before that I was watching the Arizona Diamondbacks play baseball on television. I heard the broadcaster talk about Joe Garigiola Jr. (Senior Vice President of Baseball Operations for Major League Baseball) and his new tobacco policy. They were talking about players being fined for being seen with tobacco. I blurted out “Fuck him. Who the fuck does he think he is? And what gives him the right to tell someone else what to do?”

I moved to Arizona in August 2001. Sometime after September 11th I went to my first MLB game. Diamondbacks vs. Brewers and witnessed two grand slams in that game. Then the Diamondbacks hit the playoffs and finally met the New York Yankee’s in the World Series. Baseball seemed to be good for our country’s healing (at least for me). I had never been a baseball fan. That year things changed. I found myself watching baseball first when I sat at the TV and this carried on for years. I don’t go out of my way like I used to but if there is a game on when I am flipping channels I will at least hang on that channel for a few minutes, listen to the announcers, listen to the fan noise, hear the crack of the bat, etc. Good times. It was during this time in my life that I heard about Joe Garigiola Jr.’s personal fight against tobacco. He was the general manager for the Arizona diamondbacks from 1997 – 2005. He instituted a “no tobacco” policy at Bank one Ballpark and would fine any player caught bringing it in. The thought incensed me. As a dipper I thought this was the most outrageous thing I had ever heard. I looked at the Diamondbacks as a weak organization after hearing that.

Joe Garigiola Jr. does not appear to have ever played baseball for a living. I have never even heard that he used tobacco. His father Joe Garigiola Sr did both. I know he played 9 years and quit cold turkey on the tobacco use. From his quit forward he seemed always to be an opponent of tobacco. I have watched an interview where he stated he was tired of watching his friends get sick and die from tobacco use. Garigiola Sr. became a baseball broadcaster in the 50’s and was actually an Arizona diamondbacks broadcaster when I started watching baseball in 2001. It always has seemed to me that Gargiola Jr. is only fighting the fight for his dad. The two of them just pissed me off. Every time I heard the story I just wanted to leave the room. I watched for years as smokers were shoved outside 20 feet away from the nearest door and was now living through the beginning of the same thing with dipping.

I have now quit dipping.

I quit for only one reason. I took a dip and a dark feeling came over me and I just knew. Quit or die. So I threw it all out. I even threw out the idea of Wellbutrin, Zyban, the patch, the gum etc. I threw out everything I ever thought I knew about dipping or quitting. I had realized that I would just have to take the option to ever put that shit in my mouth again off of the table. Then I went through the suck, that first week, that second week, that first month. I would wake up full of sweat every ten minutes. The chemical smell in the sweat is actually what would wake me. During those first months I was dizzy, my vision blurred so severely I felt drunk. I had vivid hallucinations that I was on a sailboat alone and circling the globe. I was so delusional I actually looked at plans to buy so I could build a sailboat. I looked at buying a used sailboat. I even tried to talk my wife into selling our house, moving in with her mom, and pooling our money up to buy a large live-aboard to keep in San Diego. Though I believe all of those things would be neat, I do not know how to sail. I was in the Coast Guard but couldn’t tell you how to make wind drive a boat. I have never even wanted to know.

I was just a shell of a quitter waiting to be filled with the person I really was. The person I robbed myself of when I was 9 years old. The person that nicotine and I hid from the rest of the world. I began to realize all the symptoms of quitting were kind of an equal opposite to what I had done to myself after using Copenhagen for 30 years. I began to really hash over things in my mind.

I had some 16 years working in or around law enforcement. I policed in Mobile, AL when crack was the main drug we dealt with. That shit was cheap and devastating. Working there I saw enough to call a junky a junky. Coming off of the nicotine I realized I was just another junky. For any quitter on this site that doesn’t understand this just trust me. A crackhead needing a fix is very much the same in the first week, and second week as you and I were. It was very scary to go through that for me.

One day I asked myself what I call “the question.” “What have I done to myself?” then the follow up was “why tobacco and not crack or meth or heroin.” All I could really come back to was that crack and meth and heroin are scary as hell.

The real answer hit me like a ton of bricks. I never tried those others because they are taboo and not socially accepted. From the age of 9 to 39 I shoved Copenhagen in my face because I could and I could because nobody cared. Why stop? But for the dark feeling I would still be dipping. But for KTC (Kill the Can) I might have gone back. What the hell is so special about KTC anyway? I will tell you but this might change you. It did me. KTC is the first place you and I ever came that nicotine use in any form is not acceptable. Never ever, ever, ever will anyone at KTC tell me or you or anybody else that dipping is ok. After realizing that, I hit the most profound moment in my life; I must always perpetuate an environment where nicotine is not acceptable. Every quitter on this site has figured it out. I get it too.

We must make sure that for the rest of our lives we make an effort to make people around us realize nicotine use is as wrong as crack or meth or heroin. We can not change its existence but we can change its acceptance. I am not saying we should each change the world. You have changed your world now keep it changed. Pass this to your kids, their kids, etc. We are the machine now. Go just as big as you can. I now know in my heart that I never would have tried tobacco if it were not accepted. I will pass that on.

We all must make the journey to be quit. I have shoved what I feel like is a life’s work into 100 days. I still have work to do. I took the two biggest steps I can: I quit and I no longer accept tobacco or nicotine use. I am so proud of myself and every other quitter. Though our journeys to quit may be different, they run together in so many ways it is inspiring to me. Thank you quitters for all of the inspiration.

I do have one final order of business.

May god bless you Joe Gargiola Jr. You are doing heros’ work, sir. I don’t know why you have taken this on. I don’t really think you know what you are up against. You are ahead of the curve though and I hope other organizations within eyeshot of kids follow suit. Though I will always be “quitting” tobacco my journey is now complete. I can now answer the questions I had about you. You are a damn warrior sir.

Jody B

Thanks to:
My wife she is the single biggest source of inspiration to all that know her
My children I so cherish the time we have together

The following veteran quitters that had such an impact on me and my quit:
(IN ORDER BY DAYS QUIT)
Mule
LaQuitter
Show
Tabasco
NOLAQ
MOA

Special thanks to all the NINJA’s of November. Our ride is a great one guys. A simple thanks doesn’t even seem to be the best gift for your encouragement and inspiration. I know deep down I never ever will let you down. Somehow that seems so much more important than thank you. You guys are damn warriors and I am glad to be quit with you.

Thanks to LOOT for keeping me in line when I needed it.

There are so many others that wasted even a second on me and keeping me quit. Thanks for taking the time to pick a brother up.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member signal31x