Quit Dipping For 21 Days

Day 21.

Feels pretty awesome to say that.  For 21 days I’ve stayed off nicotine, learned to function independently, regained control of my emotions and have given myself a new perspective on addiction, nicotine and, as cliche as it is to say, life.  I still have weak moments, and figure that after 10 years of dipping everyday it’ll take at least 10 years of not dipping to break even.  The weak moments though, are expected and prepared for.  I know what my triggers are, and not just the “I’d like a dip” triggers.  I mean the after Mexican food in the middle of a 3 hour movie, 5 beers into my night triggers.  These are the rouge moments that I still contemplate giving in..even if it’s just ONE cigarette.  I’m not even talking about dipping, just nicotine in general.  The key for me is still this site.  I can’t stand breaking my daily commitment, walking in here tail between my legs apologizing and having to deal with the fallout. I can’t stand the thought of being one of the weak-willed, of being perceived as a hypocrite and having to work my way up to the point I am at now–can’t stand the thought of starting over.  And that’s what gets me through the quiet temptations–those secret moments that separate integrity from deceit.  To say I haven’t thought of giving in is lying, to myself and  to you guys–it’s human nature to desire what makes us feel good and to avoid what’s hard.  If no one ever thought of caving we wouldn’t have this site, we wouldn’t have roll call.  The difference between me and those who have fallen? Nothing.  We’re the same person, same addict–I just choose to admit it to myself.  I admit my own weakness and recognize it.  When you recognize what hurts you you can prepare for it. It doesn’t make the triggers go away but it takes some of the sting out of them.

Overcoming addiction is not about falling to impulses and blaming the situation, it’s about recognizing the situation and blaming yourself.

It also helps to have a group of strong willed, foul mouthed, yayhoos like you boys in my corner.  I wouldn’t have done it alone–I might could have–but never would have.  That’s how this place is changing my perspective and giving me my life back; one day at a time.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Highwayman1890