Reaching Out – Before
Hi! Some people call me NomoreCope. Some call me Scott. They’re both right. I am exercising my right to write a HOF speech because I’ve been quit for 100 days, but I have to warn you – I want something from you. (You’ll see later!) First though, let’s talk about me. It’s my speech after all.
I started my quit by having an “I’m done” moment. (See afinely’s speech for “I’m done” definition) I remember the moment clearly. It was early morning and I was at the front closet, (because I had a tin “hiding” in my coat) quickly trying to get a pinch of Copenhagen in before heading out the door to walk my dog. In my sleepiness I spilled some on the floor and while I was looking at the mess it hits me.
Why am I doing this? Making a mess, spending lots of money to kill myself horribly and outright lie to my family daily?!
That’s it. I’m done.
This was building for a week or two, but there we are, the start of this quit.
In my previous attempts in quitting, I could get past the physical withdrawals but always lost the mental game, (fuckin’ Carl) and I knew that I needed accountability to really stay quit. I remembered being on Quitsmokeless.org years ago making it to 90 or so days. I just posted my daily numbers, but when I tried to share, I felt like I was ignored.
In reality, I wasn’t “done” at that time and the proof came later (around day 90 or so) when I had a bit of a panic attack driving. I sorely wish I had another quitter to call at that time instead of buying what everyone knows is not a cure for panic attacks – Copenhagen snuff. I was hooked again immediately, and was its slave for 10 more years! All told, I have ninja chewed/dipped for 30 years. The cravings are still here. Sometimes I can go the better part of the day before my addict brain (Carl, Carol, Nic Bitch) tries some stupid shit. But other times it seems like it’s every second that it’s telling me that I can have a little, just a bit, that it’ll be ok.
When I got in at KTC after answering 3 questions I wound up in ‘The Legendary September Pricks of the Iron Cactus League” – my saving grace. They took me under their collective branches (wings). The ICL at KTC made me feel included and I ran with it. I knew that my chances of making the HOF would be greater if I was active within my quit group. So, I became active. CV3 spotted me being a compulsive poster, and asked Chick get me access to the SSOA. I began to post roll call part time and do the milestones. Honestly, if you are reading this, it is because of the patience and guidance of vets like Chick, Flip, and the September Pricks. It is because of quitters like CV3, Ema, and afinely. They gave me the space to post and become part of the Sept quit. I needed the accountability and they met my need. It’s because of them that I was able to hit the HOF, and I will be forever in their debt.
With their blessing I’m going to use their help to stay quit, too. I have to stay quit so I can try to repair years of lying to my wife and son, and I have to be around for my young daughter.
Reading HOF speeches, I see that often there is advice for newbies and this will bring me to what I want from you. (Note warning at top.)
I want you to reach out to other members, other quitters, before you need them, before it’s too late, before your addict mind tells you that it’s ok to have a little nicotine. (And it will…) Have a network or even a just a few close quitters that you can talk to or text with. It is my opinion that we need to be more open in communicating with other quitters.
And finally, these are my hopes for us quitters:
I hope that cancer doesn’t come to call in spite of our quits. I hope that these words help one (or more) new quitters succeed. I hope we reach out to other quitters before we need their support, and conversely– I hope we answer the call. Be patient with, and available for, other quitters. I hope that we encourage them to quit how they need to quit, because that works.
The proof of this is me,
here,
at the Hall of Fame.
PTBQWYT – Scott (NomoreCope Sept 2022)
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan community member NomoreCope
