Rest HOF – March 2016 HOF

Wow can’t really believe that I made it 100 days! (well its only been 98 days but i will be out of town so i decided to post this now) Where to begin …. Well I grew up in the 1980s and had two parents that were kids. They smoked a lot! And they didn’t mind sharing the smoke with us kids. We didn’t have a lot of money so when we traveled it was in either my mom’s Datsun or my dad’s truck. We would all pile in there and they would light up. And they didn’t bother with the windows. I hated the smell of smoke and I didn’t get why they did it. I vowed that I would never smoke. And I didn’t. Fast forward to high school where pretty much every single one of my friends dipped at school. I went to a small school in Oklahoma and for whatever reason teachers didn’t care that much about kids dipping. As long as you didn’t make a mess they didn’t care. But even then I didn’t give in. I believe I tried it a couple of times but never liked it. I was determined to be nicotine free, I hated the thought of being addicted to anything. Well that was until college. I went to college and watched my roommate put a dip in and study all night. It looked like it worked and so for whatever dumbass reason I decided that I would jump in and give it a try. And I’ll be damned… it worked! Or at least I told myself it did. Anytime I would study it was part of my routine. I wasn’t addicted, it was helping me study. That’s what I told myself. So soon my study dip turned into my driving dip, watching a movie dip or just anytime I was by myself dip. And I continued to tell myself I wasn’t addicted. Years went by and I never really hid it from anyone. I just dipped whenever I wanted to. That turned into a can a day. Met my wife and I was pleased to know that her dad dipped and brother so I fit right in. It became part of me. I always had a job that allowed me to dip as well. So I could dip anywhere I wanted and it was accepted by most people I was around. I moved up in the company and went to outside medical sales. You would think that a professional job like medical sales that dipping would be frowned upon but it really isn’t. Most salesman I know dip in between accounts and it was easy to do. My wife wasn’t loving it as my first child came along in 2002. She asked me to quit and I told her no problem. So I decided to try and quit for the first time around 2002. Hmmmmm …. that didn’t go as planned. So I tried over and over to quit. I realized I was addicted and it wasn’t going to be so easy. So I thought well my kid is just a baby and she doesn’t know any difference anyway and I’m still young, besides I could still quit when I wanted to, but I just don’t want to quit now. Then 2004 my second kid came along. I couldn’t believe how fast time was flying. By the time my second child was 5 I really for the first time started to think about quitting. My son looked up to me and had asked me what I was doing. It really started to sink in that I was setting the worst example a father could do. And for the first time in my life I felt like a bad father. I decided that was it, I’m done. I put down the can. But I really didn’t want to quit, I wanted to try. And I kept telling myself that if I could just get to a year or so dipping could just be a pastime thing. I could just dip every now and then….. you know almost like a vacation. So I made it a year and then I went and bought a can to have my vacation dip. But that didn’t work.. Before too long I was back to the usual dipping habits. Now I felt like a real asshole. I basically failed in front of my family and friends. Set another horrible example and showed my kids that I had no power over nicotine. I was resided in this. I just accepted it. It became a point of contention with my wife. She hated it and now that I was 40 and had been dipping over 20 years I knew that I was a full on addict. I never thought I would be dipping that long. It just happened and every time I got a sore throat or any kind of mark on my mouth or tongue I was sure it was cancer. So now I had full on anxiety over it. Then one day Okie Hunter who I have known for almost half my life, and was quite the dipping buddy, decided he would quit. I didn’t think it was possible and yet he did it. And he made it over a year. And I have to say he never put any pressure on me to quit. He just said he was going to quit and he did. He mentioned the website that helped him. He said he logged on once a day and made friends with a bunch of redneck goofballs just like us. It simmered awhile and I made my way over the site and for whatever reason I decided that December 2nd 2015 was the day. Actually I had a sore throat and a cough and that helped me make the decision but I was done. And I haven’t looked back since. Nor do I dwell on it. I have not sabotaged my future either by telling myself that I would fail. I know 100 days is not that much and that my quit isn’t over. But it is different this time because of me being mentally prepared and I have a great group of rednecks that help keep me accountable. I owe it all to this site and Okie Hunter for giving me the tools to make it this far and the confidence in knowing that I can accomplish a true quit.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member resteasy118