Some Well Placed Hatred

Just wanted to give a post on how I’m doing.

Day 11 has come and I honestly feel great.  My sleep patterns and digestive system are still off, but beyond that I really haven’t experience any fog for 5 days (I know I just jinxed the crap out of myself).  I’ll have the occasional crave but they haven’t been bad at all.  I almost feel bad?  I know a lot of the Sep group has had a tougher run at it than I have thus far.  But things can change fast.

I’ve saved approximately $55 in the last 11 days!!  Well, I should probably subtract some gum and Monster energy drinks from that total, but it is still a net gain of $35+.

What’s amazed me the most is how little I miss chewing.  Beyond the first 3 days and the occasional crave, I haven’t missed stuffing my face.  I will say that I’ve changed my routine a bit to avoid certain situations that would provoke a crave: I’ve limited the amount of time I spend going out to the farm since I quit, so instead of heading out there every night I’ve switched it to every other.  I’ve also been intentional about working out and staying as busy as possible and also staying social (which helps distract me).

But I think about the poison I put into my body for all those years and just think “what the hell was I thinking??”  I hated that crap.  I hated always worrying about my supply, constantly going to the store, rotating stores because my habit was out of control and it was awkward looking the store clerk in the eye since I’d just been in there the day before buying two cans.  I hated worrying about cancer all the time.  I hated the fact that, by the end, I couldn’t keep a dip in for more than 20-30 minutes, and then I’d throw it out and immediately have another.  As I get deeper and deeper into my quit I want to remember how much I hate the stuff.

And I would contend that you all hate the dip too.  You might not think so yet, but even you folks that are on day 1, you hate it.  Otherwise you wouldn’t be here starting your quit.  Once you get away from the crap your head clears and it’s easier to see how much you hate it.  But even in the novice stages of our quits we hate it.  Just think about how much time, energy, money, and attention you gave to a product, a habit, an addiction that STOLE from you, that ROBBED you, that HATED you, that was KILLING you.  That is the definition of a dependent (and completely depraved) relationship.

I think about that and it makes me angry and breaks my heart at the same time.  I felt so little about myself and was so weak that I allowed that crap to define who I was.  I let it affect my professional, financial, and relational lives.  What it said, I obeyed.  I allowed it to put me in bondage, shackled down to a cold, stone floor.  And it was all on me.  In order to be free all I had to do was choose to quit.  That was it!!  I could have just said “I quit” and broken free from the captivity, left to define myself and live as God intended.  For some sad reason it took me 12 years to realize that.

By the grace of God, I finally discovered this website and that the choice was all mine.  I finally felt empowered to embark upon the path of quit to freedom.  And today we all have the opportunity to taste freedom together.  How amazing is that!  We get to join together and decide, both collectively and individually, to re-claim our lives.  To be free of a destructive relationship that was going to lead to our demise and was owning our lives along the way.  So, September, I’m proud to be quit with you all today.  Let’s continue to experience freedom together and hold each other accountable along the way.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member JRizzle